"Generation X-Wing" by Matthew Good

Monday: I have discovered that when I’m really stressed I develop OCD tendencies. With the problem I’m having with my class and feeling like I’m behind, the research paper I am working on, and now worrying about my father I guess you could say I am having a flair up. It also didn’t help that Mike wanted me to go away and I wanted to but I can’t do my work fast enough and now I can’t leave my mother alone in the house because I know she would need someone to help her get around.

Today when I got to class Karla and Bessy were not in. Enchantment actually sent me a text prior asking where everyone was. Our lab class was combined with another class section. Unfortunately it’s going to be like that on Wednesday and of course I have a presentation that day. This student from the other section, an older woman gave her presentation with her fancy color printed hand out. I felt horrible for nodding off several times while listening to her go on about bipolar disorder and mania. She was motivated to use this topic for her presentation after her brother died of bipolar disorder. Enchantment turned to me confused and asked me “you can die from being bipolar?” and I answered with “I guess so, maybe he neglected himself and he died.” He could also killed himself, but I thought of this after. When Anna was talking about the assignment due on Monday I nearly shit my pants. My hand jetted in the air and when she called on me I couldn’t get the words out fast enough. She came over to where I was sitting to talk to Enchantment and to me. Apparently she was doing more work than she should have. Basically the assignment is I am supposed to find the 5 journal articles I will be using to write my paper and then I write about them in an introduction to my paper which would be about 5 pages. My jaw dropped because Karla did not tell me this. She made it seem like it was just summaries of 5 articles. Even though she found 3 already I still don’t know what they are, nor which I will use.

While I was printing out my journal for literature review I saw Professor Lane. I spoke to him about the summer program and he asked when I could start working. I said in July since the end of May to June I will be dealing with the surgery of my knee. Discussing who I wanted to work with I said Milly but he said she wouldn’t be doing any workshops. I said I really wanted to work with Dr. Lanzone again. He said she really likes me and asked if I wanted to work for her four days a week for eight hours and I nearly crapped my pants. Last summer I didn’t do it only because I would be getting out so late plus I had morning class. I would end up walking in the door to my house and collapsing to the floor. I told him I have time to think about it and he said he was going to email the tutors. I wouldn’t normally ask about someone else personal dealing with someone especially in a job setting but I was wondering about what he thought of Aisha. He told me he never got her resume and my jaw dropped. I told him I knew for a fact she sent it cause she was on the phone with me and he said he never got it. I called her and had to tell her she needed to send it again and she was shocked to hear that he never received it. hopefully he can place her this summer with someone, hopefully not a prof that is retarded or socially awkward.

When I got home all hell was breaking loose. All I needed was the wall to be menstruating blood and women screaming flailing their bodies to some rhythmic beat. My father had been calling my mother all day, and not making sense. He even called me while I was in class but I didn’t answer my phone. My mother said he was calling telling her what is going on with him but he wasn’t making sense. I am hoping that its just because he is sick right now and that’s why he isn’t making sense because it worries me. I really don’t know if I’d be able to take care of my mother and my father especially now. She is going to try and get a hold of the doctor tomorrow when we go or earlier in the day. She told him that when the doctor visits him to call the house and talk to her.

Anna emailed Karla and I about our research paper and really feels we should stick with college students. I am thinking I am going to do that, especially because fucking Mr. I hasn’t emailed me back yet. I really would like to talk to him on the phone about things, but apparently he thinks I want to sit and chit chat for endless hours over nonsense. If Karla feels that maybe we should stick with college students I am going to just do that. I am then going to email Mr. I and tell him that I am no longer going to conduct research at the school because he didn’t answer me when I needed it. I had a deadline and he didn’t get back to me. I know he has a life, a busy one and a busy job at the high school but he could return a phone call. Just so I could ask him a question and move forward instead of sitting stagnant in shit not knowing which way to go.