"Prove Me Wrong" by Class Actress

It's a little sad that I don't remember where I left off here. Life has resumed back to it's somewhat chaotic state. I am still waiting to find out if I got into grad school. I feel like this is some form of cruel karmatic torture because I didn't do this sooner. So I am being punished for waiting so long. When I saw Maia last she said that I should have heard from the school already. I told her that I am sure they are going to use the hurricane as an excuse for not reviewing me sooner and she said that the next thing would be them using Thanksgiving as an excuse. Yeah, I feel she is right and it is going to come to exactly that. I am afraid that I am not going to get in, but doesn't everyone feel that way? I invested so much time into that fucking GRE for what?! From what this girl told me, that came to my office looking for a professor, the school looks at your GRE score first and the students that excelled there are first admitted then the others. I hope that those that did stellar on the GRE are not only looked at for their grade on that alone. That wouldn't be fair if they did phenomenal on that and then their gpa sucked and they didn't have enough letters of recommendation. I need to not worry about it, but that isn't easy for me...

I need to focus on other things too. Especially since I got that report done at work finally. It was hell and dragged on. Finally I got it done at work though that is out of the way. I can focus on writing this portion of this journal article so it can be published. I am totally going to have a party for this! I wanted to have something published before I went to grad school to put it on my application but that didn't work out the way I had planned. I can settle for publication after though.

I was thinking about something tonight, in relation to my father. I know at times I wonder what qualities I get from my parents. I know that the creative side comes from my mother. The only thing I think I got from my father isn't even something genetic. It's more something learned and really it is undesirable. I am thinking about how my mother told me that my father would create drama and i feel that maybe that applies to me. Then again I think that in most situations it isn't like that. The best situation that fits that is the one with this baseball player at my school. He has come to the lab plenty of times and has been an asshole. Now he just acts like a total fuck and ignores me when I tell him to sign into the lab. Mobruka thinks i am making a big deal and that I am making things worse due to me already previously disliking him. Honestly, there might be some truth there but I don't want him there anymore since he is so inconsiderate. I suggested her be in the room when I talk to him, but she feels she should talk to him. The bottom line is this which I told her, regardless of what you tell him I am telling him that if he cannot respect the rules of the lab, and the faculty and other students he is not welcome in the lab and cannot be there. He will not be allowed in the lab thats it. I am going to talk to Joanne about this and hear her thoughts.

"Claudia Lewis" by M83

The anticipation of hearing from someone at the office was getting to me, especially since the head of the department did not respond to the email I sent him. I was talking to Jessica on the phone about the trains and trying to figure out a way to get in. I decided to text Milly to find out if she had a hard time after a few texts back and forth she ended up calling me. It worked out better, though I was getting frustrated trying to explain that the train wasn't running by me. She gave me two alternative routes, the problem with one is if the train isn't running I am screwed. The other route involved me transferring to three other trains which I did not like. I realize my straight ride to work on one train spoiled me, but three trains seems horrible. I ended up speaking with Mobruka later on and told me that she wasn't going to the exhibit tomorrow. Later I would find out that the only person going other than myself is Mike, but that's fine though I had interest in going with a group to enjoy and experience it. Mobruka was telling me she saw my train running though she didn't know if it was coming to my area or not. I told her I was going to ask the token booth person at the platform in a bit to find out whats going on since the MTA info wasn't clear, or as clear I wanted it presented.

Well shit don't I feel a little foolish. When I got up to the token booth I asked the woman there about the train finding out though the service is a little different, it will take me straight to where I have to go. So I could have gone in today. Oh well... I got back home and my mother wanted to go on the crusade for gas. Before she did I said I would walk over to the station and find out if they had any and I am glad I did. There were cars scattered all over with people waiting inside almost as if they were frozen in time. I asked the gas attendant and he told me that they didn't have any gas today but tomorrow they will. It was a good idea I walked.

I really need to get myself to bed, even though I got up late and attempted a nap. I got this thing from thinkgeek that is suppose to simulate fireflies on a plant. It hangs from the ceiling which I did not know. My room ceiling isn't really something I want to drill holes in so instead I mounted it with command strips. While laying under it, the lights were hypnotizing but honestly I am not afraid of this thing falling on my head. Probably should have had it moved over some but it's to late now. the command drips adhered and seem as if they turned into cement. Both good and bad if I want to move it. When I got up I got a late start to my workout and also discovered a flea on Teddy's face. There shouldn't be anything on the cats after using frontline so this was odd. I ended up trying to capture them and putting flea powder on them since you cannot use frontline until a month passes. I am hoping this issue gets resolved without using something serious like a flea bomb ugh. We still so not know where the fleas came from since my cats do not go outdoors.

"Holocene" by Bon Iver

My plans for Sunday did not go as I hoped. I wanted to go for a walk, that didn't happen. I found myself just being exhausted, which i am assuming is what will happen tomorrow as well. I decided to not make any attempts in going to the office. There isn't a clear explanation as to if the service has changed for tomorrow. As of this current moment I believe my commute will be hell. The trains are all divided into going to only stops in Brooklyn and then after you pick up a shuttle bus, the trains then resume in Manhattan. But the thing is, they only run starting at 34th street. Trying to find another train to deliver me into the city just proved to be more annoying. I do not wish to take 4 trains or more to get into the city and then worry about doing the same to get home. As much as I like having a reason to not go into work, I hope that by tuesday it's all resolved. I want to go to this living room event and see if it is as special as it is supposed to be.

I emailed the head of the department earlier explaining that my commute will be difficult. If he were to be up my ass about it I would be surprised. I am also expecting to receive a text later from Mobruka asking me if I am coming in. Just thinking about it makes me wish I could do something on my phone to make it so I wouldn't see it. But even doing that would make me wonder if she wrote me or not. I think I'm still a bit irritated...

"Apartment Story" by The National

I was talking to Jessica earlier today, discussing the whole situation with finding gasoline. It's crazy how its so difficult to find due to the hurricane and worrying about it could make someone develop an anxiety disorder. She said how she is worried that her car will run out of gas, but more so her boyfriend running out. There isn't a dire rush for my family to go anywhere, so we aren't in need of gas as of right now. Hopefully alternate side does not go in affect which would cause my mother to have to move the car. She only has quarter of a tank left, and trying to find parking in my area will definitely make you burn through that.

I was talking to Aisha briefly through texts, and she left her job. Her boss was treating her unfairly and she had enough. I don't blame her, and I hope she does something on her way out of the company due to her mistreatment. I mentioned to her Mobruka's stupidity and how she is being thoughtless. I think that Aisha agrees that people are being totally insensitive over this whole situation involving the hurricane. Not everyone has been affected the same way, some worse than others. I know that i have been lucky and I am grateful that things here did not go down hill. And despite all of that, the biggest problem I have is traveling into the city. I explained things to Joanne and she said that everyone knows that right now it's difficult to get into the city. I don't know why Mobruka was acting as if I decided that maybe I just wasn't going to go in because I didn't feel like it. Other than simply ignoring her stupidity, if it comes to her really bothering me about it and the transportation situation is the same I simply am going to say "it is near impossible for me to get into the city at this time." Joanne suggested that, and it does make things clean and simple. It just makes me continue to find Mobruka to be thoughtless.

I don't think saying that being home, though I have been out shortly, is causing me to go stir crazy. When I spoke to Mike we discussed how trying to remember what day it is seems to be a difficult task. If I were going out with Jessica tonight it would be easy to just call car service and go home, but they aren't answering. The one I normally use definitely is not answering and as for the others from what I heard are not either. Last night my mother wanted to go grocery shopping which is not anything different that what normally takes place. While I was waiting for her to bring the car around a woman came over asking if I had called a car service. She was calling several and wanted to know if I had one, but I told her I was just waiting for my mother. I offered the car service I use but she said she tried them already. I doubt that tonight would have been any different, so I stayed in. I do need to save money anyway. Tomorrow if I get up at a decent time I will maybe consider taking a walk or something. I just don't want to feel like I am wasting the day, like I did today.

"Whose Authority" by Nada Surf

Yesterday was a mess trying to travel through Brooklyn to just buy some fruit. The traffic was unbearable but it was all due to people scrambling for gas. The line was so long you would have thought that they were giving it away for free. It was nice to see some families celebrating Halloween, not letting all of this crap that has gone on hold them back. My mother entertained the thought of bringing food home from one of the restaurants but they were all crowded. Starbucks was insane as well, and I decided it would be best to just go.

While I was home I made sure to email the head of the department. He was understanding and isn’t even sure as to what is going on with him. He put me at ease, despite the email that went out from the school stating that people that work for the college should come back Thursday, today. Honestly, even though some train service is back I don’t know how I would do that unless I could fly. There aren’t trains connecting me to the city, only half way. Jessica said I would have to take a shuttle and honestly I don’t want to cause I know they will be packed. Is it really worth it to travel into the city when you will commute for a longer time than you are actually working? 

This morning Joanne called me and let me know she is at the clinic so I will see her tomorrow. We can talk about all of this crazy nonsense then. One thing that really irritated me is that Mobruka sent me a text in regards to how I should be at work today. There isn’t any way, and honestly I don’t want to entertain the thought of traveling in since its not an easy process. You can argue that I don’t take my job seriously. Honestly, the job isn’t that serious to think about traveling in. Lives aren’t at stake, the world will not fall apart, yes I am not bothering in the least. Considering how I blew up on Mobruka last time, I wasn’t really prepared to deal with her inconsiderate comment. All I said to her was “I have no way to get in, I told Seth. And I wont until trains go from Brooklyn to the city.” I wanted to say other things but I didn’t bother. I will vent about this in my session tomorrow which Joanne will ask me  why it bothers me. It bothers me that she is inconsiderate and her statement was insensitive. Thoughtless, thoughtless fucking comments that's what it was. Ugh, so happy I can talk about this tomorrow. 

"Hurricane" by Bush

I feel as if I am in some strange alternate universe. My area is so quiet except for random emergency service vehicles that pass by.

When hurricane Sandy hit I wonder if it was really expected to be this horrible. My area doesn't seem to be affected terribly, but I know others have been. The only thing I am without right now is the Internet which is slowly making me lose my mind. I want to go on the computer in the worst way but I can't. Monday, Brett emailed everyone about the presentation being completed. I asked him if I should make it fancy and he said that would be great. It was so time consuming but I wanted to get it done as soon as I could. I'm glad I did that since I don't have Internet now. So at least that is all done though I don't know if this trip they are taking to California is even happening. The trains here aren't even running which means I can't, and others, can't get to work. They are setting up buses that will hp transport people but seriously why do I want to go deal with all of that hassle? I've just been lucky that the campus is remaining closed and it should. I don't know how many students would really want to try and travel to a bus then try and get a train.

I was speaking to Jessica earlier. I haven't spoken to her on the phone in a couple of days because of the storm. Last I heard was a commotion while I was talking to her due to electrical wires in her yard catching fire. She told me that a fire tuck stayed on her parent's street incase of anything and that when her father came home he kept insisting on putting the power on. She had to then go to a friends house. I can't imagine walking in that even if her friend's parent's house is down the block.

I wish I could get the Internet so I can email this tattoo artist back. I can do it from my phone I just need to plan it out better in my head. Brian I m sure told him I was around and I was inquiring about the cemetery piece. Honestly, I find myself in a situation similar to Jessica's. She waited a while and now is torn as to placement and size. Also doesn't help that her boyfriend is telling her she doesn't need anymore. She only has one small tattoo by her ankle. I don't have that problem, but a monetary one. I also don't know if I still want it, I think money plays a huge role due to it being such a large tattoo on my back. The artist, Robert, also said that since this was a large piece it would take a few designs and time to plan. I don't know if he forgot this but in his email he said he usually does drawings for that week not to far in advanced. I guess I will have to email him about that.

I spoke to Mike earlier and be is in a mess of a situation. He went on a trip for the movie he worked on and got stuck in Manhattan now. He can't get home though he doesn't want to since they don't have any electricity or anything. So he is in the city for how ever long. He reminded me we have the Columbus exhibit next week. He didn't want to bring it up but when he mentioned it I told him I thought the same thing. As I told Jessica I don't know if its even still standing and how I would get there. This is such a mess...

On top of this, I am impatiently waiting for my graduate application to be reviewed. This is only setting things back further since I know no one is there on campus doing anything.