"Spaceboy" by Smashing Pumpkins

I am hoping that therapy does not lose its novelty. Right now its something new and I look forward to it, unlike how things were with Randi. After a while of visiting her it felt as if it were a chore to go to. I didn't know what exactly to talk about, and because of that she would pick topics I didn't feel were up for discussion. Unlike with Felicia, I want to talk about so much that I don't know what I want to talk about. It makes me wish I could go and see her more often, but the these topics are not urgent. There will be plenty of time to see her and talk to her about these things. Maybe I am mentally backed up, so I feel that there is some sense of urgency with these things going on in my life. I told her that I spend a nice amount of time thinking about what I want to talk with her the next time I see her and she said that that is very good. She had to do some assessment of what i am going to be going to her for and it seems like currently I need to go for anxiety. I guess I find that interesting since that is why Mike goes to therapy. It's probably something extremely common. I am wishing I could go see her tomorrow but my session is only thursday, so it's not far away. I just have had something on my mind and I want to discuss it with her. I remember how it went when I discussed things with Anna and how she gave me plenty to think about. I am wondering if Felicia will do the same.

I discussed it with Jessica earlier today since the lab is so dead. I think I see tumble weeds rolling through the rooms. It makes me wish I didn't have to be here, or that I could close earlier. But I know if I were to do that, some obnoxious student will complain about how they had a 274027304783243 page paper due and how the lab wasn't open for them. I am not really expected to be here until 8pm, I planned on saying until 6 but i think 5 is fine. I am playing it by ear. If I see an overwhelming surge of students I will keep the lab open later other wise I am closing at 5.



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"Need to Know" by Class Actress

Sunday: The semester is winding down, finally. Honestly it wasn’t terrible and I feel like I got a lot done. The only downside is that I had to deal with so much unnecessary bullshit at the office due to immaturity.

Two days out of the week are really unbareable at times. But that is only because I have to deal with Rico and Shelain. Rico is like dealing with a 5 year old that thinks he is always right, and Shelain is like dealing with a woman that suffers from pms all the time and suffers from bipolar disorder. I feel that when I am around her or know that I am going to encounter her, I need to have my defenses raised. If I don’t, we get into some silly altercation and I back down and just let her do whatever when I shouldn’t. I should stand my ground and not let her be a huge cunt. It’s hard to believe at times that she was someone that I had as an emergency contact due to how close we were, now it just seems like I am thinking about someone else.

Felicia, my new therapist, said that I should just relax when I deal with crap in the office. To remind myself that Shelain is not coming back next semester. “Serenity now, serenity now” she says to me but it is easier said than done in the heat of a moment. She helps with getting my mind on track with things but sadly she cannot be there when things are stressful. I can’t magically conjure her up and ask for guidance. Or support to say fuck you and stop being such a cunt. I have spoken to the head of the dept, and as I mentioned about her not coming back he said that that is due to her attitude and her being out of control. I just fear that the next semester she will be back though, and as I expressed to the film professor and he agreed. I am really tired about discussing it with friends and in therapy. The best example of the crap I have to deal with is the one that deals with the paper in the office…

The paper is for the printers and our Xerox machine. The paper is locked inside a small metal cabinet on wheels, which Shelain also stores the papers of her students in. She really shouldn’t but that is what she does and has been doing all semester. I left early on a Tuesday and when I came in Wednesday to reload the printer I noticed that there were 8 reams of paper missing. I flipped out and even Mobruka said that something was wrong. I asked Janette, my work study and she said that she didn’t know what happened. So I said something to the head of the dept and he said that he could investigate. The next day I went in and found two boxers of paper totally 20 reams and then a pile of 8 behind the door. When I asked Rico about it he said it came from the head and that I told the head he stole it. I didn’t and I told him that he should have left me a note. He pointed out how he has lent paper out before and I said yes but this was 8 reams not 1 or 2. But he felt he was in the right and I the wrong, and I felt he was in the wrong and I in the right. We ended the conversation since it wasn’t going anywhere. I confiscated the keys to the cabinet which only caused more shit since Shelain wanted them and insisted I give her mine after I said thtey were on my ring. She wanted to know why and I told her why I had them. She became ridiculous and said I was holding the office hostage with having the keys. Just spouting nonsense so that I would back down with her yelling at me. I put the keys back in the draw and told her but it didn’t make her happy she just went off some more to make things worse. The only way I found I could resolve this was to just clear out one of the big filing cabinets when they weren’t around and put all the supplies and paper in there. This time I am not going to be so giving with the key.  I only have to deal with them for one day this week hopefully they don't spend more unnecessary time there.