I am hoping that therapy does not lose its novelty. Right now its something new and I look forward to it, unlike how things were with Randi. After a while of visiting her it felt as if it were a chore to go to. I didn't know what exactly to talk about, and because of that she would pick topics I didn't feel were up for discussion. Unlike with Felicia, I want to talk about so much that I don't know what I want to talk about. It makes me wish I could go and see her more often, but the these topics are not urgent. There will be plenty of time to see her and talk to her about these things. Maybe I am mentally backed up, so I feel that there is some sense of urgency with these things going on in my life. I told her that I spend a nice amount of time thinking about what I want to talk with her the next time I see her and she said that that is very good. She had to do some assessment of what i am going to be going to her for and it seems like currently I need to go for anxiety. I guess I find that interesting since that is why Mike goes to therapy. It's probably something extremely common. I am wishing I could go see her tomorrow but my session is only thursday, so it's not far away. I just have had something on my mind and I want to discuss it with her. I remember how it went when I discussed things with Anna and how she gave me plenty to think about. I am wondering if Felicia will do the same.
I discussed it with Jessica earlier today since the lab is so dead. I think I see tumble weeds rolling through the rooms. It makes me wish I didn't have to be here, or that I could close earlier. But I know if I were to do that, some obnoxious student will complain about how they had a 274027304783243 page paper due and how the lab wasn't open for them. I am not really expected to be here until 8pm, I planned on saying until 6 but i think 5 is fine. I am playing it by ear. If I see an overwhelming surge of students I will keep the lab open later other wise I am closing at 5.
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Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
"Need to Know" by Class Actress
Sunday: The semester is winding
down, finally. Honestly it wasn’t terrible and I feel like I got a lot done.
The only downside is that I had to deal with so much unnecessary bullshit at
the office due to immaturity.
Two days out of the week are really
unbareable at times. But that is only because I have to deal with Rico and
Shelain. Rico is like dealing with a 5 year old that thinks he is always right,
and Shelain is like dealing with a woman that suffers from pms all the time and
suffers from bipolar disorder. I feel that when I am around her or know that I
am going to encounter her, I need to have my defenses raised. If I don’t, we
get into some silly altercation and I back down and just let her do whatever
when I shouldn’t. I should stand my ground and not let her be a huge cunt. It’s
hard to believe at times that she was someone that I had as an emergency
contact due to how close we were, now it just seems like I am thinking about
someone else.
Felicia, my new therapist, said that I
should just relax when I deal with crap in the office. To remind myself that
Shelain is not coming back next semester. “Serenity now, serenity now” she says
to me but it is easier said than done in the heat of a moment. She helps with
getting my mind on track with things but sadly she cannot be there when things
are stressful. I can’t magically conjure her up and ask for guidance. Or
support to say fuck you and stop being such a cunt. I have spoken to the head
of the dept, and as I mentioned about her not coming back he said that that is
due to her attitude and her being out of control. I just fear that the next
semester she will be back though, and as I expressed to the film professor and
he agreed. I am really tired about discussing it with friends and in therapy. The
best example of the crap I have to deal with is the one that deals with the
paper in the office…
The paper is for the printers and our
Xerox machine. The paper is locked inside a small metal cabinet on wheels,
which Shelain also stores the papers of her students in. She really shouldn’t
but that is what she does and has been doing all semester. I left early on a
Tuesday and when I came in Wednesday to reload the printer I noticed that there
were 8 reams of paper missing. I flipped out and even Mobruka said that
something was wrong. I asked Janette, my work study and she said that she
didn’t know what happened. So I said something to the head of the dept and he
said that he could investigate. The next day I went in and found two boxers of
paper totally 20 reams and then a pile of 8 behind the door. When I asked Rico
about it he said it came from the head and that I told the head he stole it. I
didn’t and I told him that he should have left me a note. He pointed out how he
has lent paper out before and I said yes but this was 8 reams not 1 or 2. But
he felt he was in the right and I the wrong, and I felt he was in the wrong and
I in the right. We ended the conversation since it wasn’t going anywhere. I
confiscated the keys to the cabinet which only caused more shit since Shelain
wanted them and insisted I give her mine after I said thtey were on my ring.
She wanted to know why and I told her why I had them. She became ridiculous and
said I was holding the office hostage with having the keys. Just spouting nonsense
so that I would back down with her yelling at me. I put the keys back in the
draw and told her but it didn’t make her happy she just went off some more to
make things worse. The only way I found I could resolve this was to just clear
out one of the big filing cabinets when they weren’t around and put all the
supplies and paper in there. This time I am not going to be so giving with the
key. I only have to deal with them for
one day this week hopefully they don't spend more unnecessary time there.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
"Disgusting" by Mansun
I had my last intake session on Monday, it felt so brief. The nurse practitioner that I spoke with reminded me of my aunt. It made me feel comfortable but at the same time was just a little weird. She told me that if I need medication she is the one I would talk to. She also told me that I would have to wait some time before I would hear anything about having an appointment scheduled with a therapist. I asked if i could add anything, because I liked the first woman we I spoke to when I began the intake process. She said that she would see if she was able to accommodate me, if not, then they would find someone else that could. After hearing this it was really surprising to hear from the woman I mentioned, Felicia. She is available, the only problem is I either have an extremely early appointment at 8:45 and get into work 30 min late, or leave 2 hours earlier. So I will be getting up earlier. My first appointment is tomorrow and honestly I am excited. I hope that my sessions go better than the ones i had later on with Randi since i felt like I was getting more angry than anything when i would go to sessions. When I saw the school counselor, Dr. Givens, I told her about my progress and how I will start therapy on thursday. She was happy to hear everything and said it sounded like I am more willing to talk about things with Felicia than I was with Randi. It is all about the approach that she has with things and i will discuss all of that with her when I see her.
When I got home on Monday, my mother gave me an earful about the people on the third floor. Apparently the police were at the house on saturday due to domestic violence issues. The wife apparently has a boyfriend and the husband found out through the use of one of the children's toys. It was unintentional though. The children have some voice recording toy and it was left on and recorded the mother when she thought she was alone in the apartment. She called her boyfriend and said horribly dirty things to him and then called her friend to talk about it. When the kids got home they wanted to play with the toy but couldn't get it to work, nor could the mother. The husband hit the play button on the toy and heard what she had said and asked her what was going on. She flipped and scratched the shit out of him which led to her calling the police. The police said to them that if they are called again they are arresting them. Still not sure how acs has not been involved.
To add to the craziness here, the woman on the second floor thinks the house is haunted. She said that when they first moved in her oldest daughter felt a presence when in my grandparent's bedroom. She also said she has had dreams where she is floating. As far as I know, no one has died in the house. I doubt my grandmother is here rattling some chains. Definitely does not sound like her. To make my mother feel somewhat better, when I went out with Aisha yesterday I picked up a smudge (sage) stick for her to burn. She said she wanted to do that but couldn't find sage. The smoke that emanated from the sage was so intense. I can't imagine anything wanting to deal with that.
Tuesday I was more than happy to leave the office whenever I could. The head of the dept told me that he didn't want me eating in the office, and obviously if that rule applies to me then it applies to the rest of the staff. When I informed Rico, after he had a student return with an ensemble of food, he went off into a rant. A rant about how it's unfair and how there are labor laws against that. How the students eat in the lab and they shouldn't, and the professors do the same. I know students don't read but they have been better with not eating and drinking in the lab. As for professors they have felt that rules don't apply to them. He ranted and raved and said he was calling his lawyer and it just didn't end. I wanted to just leave, which I did for lunch. When I returned and saw Shelain come in a knot formed in my stomach. I hate being around her, looking at her, walking on egg shells to make sure she doesn't jump off the deep end and flip out and talk to me like I am shit. To make things worse she still won't let up on the whole situation involving me being her teaching assistant. I'm not and that's it. She just keeps going on about how I am. I need to find a way to resolve this because I hate feeling like she has this on me and expects something from me that I am not responsible for.
P.S. Someone moved the printer in the office and there were mouse droppings all under it... Makes me feel great...
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When I got home on Monday, my mother gave me an earful about the people on the third floor. Apparently the police were at the house on saturday due to domestic violence issues. The wife apparently has a boyfriend and the husband found out through the use of one of the children's toys. It was unintentional though. The children have some voice recording toy and it was left on and recorded the mother when she thought she was alone in the apartment. She called her boyfriend and said horribly dirty things to him and then called her friend to talk about it. When the kids got home they wanted to play with the toy but couldn't get it to work, nor could the mother. The husband hit the play button on the toy and heard what she had said and asked her what was going on. She flipped and scratched the shit out of him which led to her calling the police. The police said to them that if they are called again they are arresting them. Still not sure how acs has not been involved.
To add to the craziness here, the woman on the second floor thinks the house is haunted. She said that when they first moved in her oldest daughter felt a presence when in my grandparent's bedroom. She also said she has had dreams where she is floating. As far as I know, no one has died in the house. I doubt my grandmother is here rattling some chains. Definitely does not sound like her. To make my mother feel somewhat better, when I went out with Aisha yesterday I picked up a smudge (sage) stick for her to burn. She said she wanted to do that but couldn't find sage. The smoke that emanated from the sage was so intense. I can't imagine anything wanting to deal with that.
Tuesday I was more than happy to leave the office whenever I could. The head of the dept told me that he didn't want me eating in the office, and obviously if that rule applies to me then it applies to the rest of the staff. When I informed Rico, after he had a student return with an ensemble of food, he went off into a rant. A rant about how it's unfair and how there are labor laws against that. How the students eat in the lab and they shouldn't, and the professors do the same. I know students don't read but they have been better with not eating and drinking in the lab. As for professors they have felt that rules don't apply to them. He ranted and raved and said he was calling his lawyer and it just didn't end. I wanted to just leave, which I did for lunch. When I returned and saw Shelain come in a knot formed in my stomach. I hate being around her, looking at her, walking on egg shells to make sure she doesn't jump off the deep end and flip out and talk to me like I am shit. To make things worse she still won't let up on the whole situation involving me being her teaching assistant. I'm not and that's it. She just keeps going on about how I am. I need to find a way to resolve this because I hate feeling like she has this on me and expects something from me that I am not responsible for.
P.S. Someone moved the printer in the office and there were mouse droppings all under it... Makes me feel great...
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Wednesday, November 2, 2011
"Fools" by The Temper Trap
I haven't written here in so long, which is upsetting since I was doing great with keeping this updated. I just have been so busy, and have so much going on that I have not had any time to do that. I also don't feel like spending time talking about certain things. I am trying to not sit and dwell. I am going to just leave the previous entry I was writing on my ipad and not upload it to my blog. Hopefully I can finish this entry and upload it.
So much has been going on at work for the better, and others aren't for the worst. They just aren't enjoyable. The good things that are going on here are what makes me want to keep coming back here and work. I want to work here in the spring, and know the department wants me to. I just fear it will hold me back yet again from getting my application and everything ready so I may apply to grad school here. I want to go back and see this job as being a bump in the road. I don't know if changing my sleeping pattern will help with the issue and fear I have of taking a Kaplan class and falling asleep or just not being mentally able to deal with it. I am at work from 10am-5pm on my long days, and the other days i just leave half an hour earlier. Then to go home, eat dinner, and venture out to where the class is being offered just seems like so much. I wish I didn't have to worry about the gre, but sadly I do. If I was taking the class and needed a place to do the work for it, I could do it at work since most of the time I am not doing anything but sitting on my ass and waiting for lunch or a student to come in and have an issue so I can help them. I know I try to avoid drama here but it doesn't always work out that way. My coworker Shelain has turned out to be a loose cannon that goes off easily without hesitation. It makes things here so difficult, always have to be walking on eggshells when she is here. Bad enough she embarrassed me in front of a class and then yelled at me after eaves dropping on a meeting I had with the film professor. I just do whatever it is she asks me to do so I can avoid dealing with her being nuts. She has been nasty to students, and has had a huge argument with one that surprises me that she hasn't been reported on that yet. I haven't gone and said anything because i am waiting for her to flip her shit again, but that isn't really necessary anymore. After speaking to the head and film prof about things it doesn't seem like she will be returning. As Seth, the head, said to me yesterday "You only have to put up with her for 6 more weeks. She'll be having a very different Christmas than you and I." I wanted to say to him when he told me that, aren't you jewish? Apparently she has been pissing a lot of people off and they don't want to deal with her anymore. She is a full time nurse anyway, so I don't know why she needs this job teaching just one class. The logic behind it escapes me.
Aisha suggested we both go to a spa for a day or something since we both have a lot on our plates. Work helps me deal with the stress at home which can keep me up at night. It has gotten better but I have reason to be concerned with things. I started to look for a new therapist, and sadly it has taken longer than I wanted. I wanted to find someone before things got out of control in my life, sadly i didn't move fast enough. I am still in the process with this one clinic to finish the intake appointments so I can actually be scheduled to someone and go to regular visits and get counseling. I am thinking that maybe things might get intense in the upcoming weeks as time gets closer to my mother's surgery. I am still debating on whether or not I should take the one day off or both so I can be there with her when she gets out. It all depends, they could do the surgery and she will be out that night or they keep her until the next day. Either way it's stressful. I am just happy that she is in such great spirits regardless of having thyroid cancer. I guess I thought she would think the worst and just be miserable, but the fact she isn't is a huge plus. She just said she is anxious in regards to getting it over with. Hopefully my father also helps her out when I am at work and doesn't continue to be a lifeless lump. it doesn't really help her in feeling any better about anything when he is like that and definitely doesn't make me want to be at home. I feel everything is on me and it's to much for me to deal with at times, hence why I want to get this intake over with so I can go to therapy.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
So much has been going on at work for the better, and others aren't for the worst. They just aren't enjoyable. The good things that are going on here are what makes me want to keep coming back here and work. I want to work here in the spring, and know the department wants me to. I just fear it will hold me back yet again from getting my application and everything ready so I may apply to grad school here. I want to go back and see this job as being a bump in the road. I don't know if changing my sleeping pattern will help with the issue and fear I have of taking a Kaplan class and falling asleep or just not being mentally able to deal with it. I am at work from 10am-5pm on my long days, and the other days i just leave half an hour earlier. Then to go home, eat dinner, and venture out to where the class is being offered just seems like so much. I wish I didn't have to worry about the gre, but sadly I do. If I was taking the class and needed a place to do the work for it, I could do it at work since most of the time I am not doing anything but sitting on my ass and waiting for lunch or a student to come in and have an issue so I can help them. I know I try to avoid drama here but it doesn't always work out that way. My coworker Shelain has turned out to be a loose cannon that goes off easily without hesitation. It makes things here so difficult, always have to be walking on eggshells when she is here. Bad enough she embarrassed me in front of a class and then yelled at me after eaves dropping on a meeting I had with the film professor. I just do whatever it is she asks me to do so I can avoid dealing with her being nuts. She has been nasty to students, and has had a huge argument with one that surprises me that she hasn't been reported on that yet. I haven't gone and said anything because i am waiting for her to flip her shit again, but that isn't really necessary anymore. After speaking to the head and film prof about things it doesn't seem like she will be returning. As Seth, the head, said to me yesterday "You only have to put up with her for 6 more weeks. She'll be having a very different Christmas than you and I." I wanted to say to him when he told me that, aren't you jewish? Apparently she has been pissing a lot of people off and they don't want to deal with her anymore. She is a full time nurse anyway, so I don't know why she needs this job teaching just one class. The logic behind it escapes me.
Aisha suggested we both go to a spa for a day or something since we both have a lot on our plates. Work helps me deal with the stress at home which can keep me up at night. It has gotten better but I have reason to be concerned with things. I started to look for a new therapist, and sadly it has taken longer than I wanted. I wanted to find someone before things got out of control in my life, sadly i didn't move fast enough. I am still in the process with this one clinic to finish the intake appointments so I can actually be scheduled to someone and go to regular visits and get counseling. I am thinking that maybe things might get intense in the upcoming weeks as time gets closer to my mother's surgery. I am still debating on whether or not I should take the one day off or both so I can be there with her when she gets out. It all depends, they could do the surgery and she will be out that night or they keep her until the next day. Either way it's stressful. I am just happy that she is in such great spirits regardless of having thyroid cancer. I guess I thought she would think the worst and just be miserable, but the fact she isn't is a huge plus. She just said she is anxious in regards to getting it over with. Hopefully my father also helps her out when I am at work and doesn't continue to be a lifeless lump. it doesn't really help her in feeling any better about anything when he is like that and definitely doesn't make me want to be at home. I feel everything is on me and it's to much for me to deal with at times, hence why I want to get this intake over with so I can go to therapy.
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Monday, September 12, 2011
"Oh No" by Andrew Bird
Monday: I am really thinking of going to one of the counselors at my school and seeing if I can go for therapy through them. It was something that was an option when my time with Randi was ending. I just wanted someone that was not at my school. Since I am going to be there for this semester and the next, I am thinking that maybe I should go to someone on campus since I am there already. I just need to find a time and figure things out from there. I would prefer the head of counseling since I have spoken to her before, but she was out on maternity. I don’t know if she has returned yet.
The two things that are on my mind that are bothering me are Jessica, and work.
With Jessica, I really don’t know what to do with her. I remind myself what Mike said to me about how she doesn’t think. I know this to be true, she just does and thinking is not involved. Jessica has yet to tell her grandmother about her moving and she was afraid that her aunt would see her facebook posts and tell the uncle, which would lead to the grandmother finding out. One night I was bored and I went to her page to see what was going on to find out pretty much that she was with her ex. I really don’t understand why Jessica hasn’t asked me for any help. If she is expecting me to volunteer it, I don’t foresee that happening since we might not be free at the same time. I have yet to discuss things with Jessica, I want to wait until she isn’t stressed. But then again I have a better chance of bringing Jesus back from the grave than waiting for her to be stress free. When I was telling Bessy about how Jessica was telling me that one of the twins friends gave her a china set, I asked if Bessy thinks that Jessica is expecting me to just give her things. She told me that that is really stupid if that is the case, you don’t just give people things for moving unless they have a house warming. That is pretty much what I thought as well..
In regards to work, I am really starting to dislike Shelain which is unfortunate since I did like her a lot and enjoyed talking to her. I feel she is bitter over me running the lab, and is just on some personal crusade to make me look bad. I walked in today 25 min late, and after dealing with how she snapped at me last time over me being late I made sure that I texted Mobruka to let her know when I was leaving that I could possibly be late. It isn’t my fault that Mobruka had her phone on silent and didn’t see that I wrote her. So when I walked in of course Shelain had to see me and give me the stink eye. To make matters worse, when the economics class came in, instead of just letting me know that they were there and to turn on the projector she was banging on the window as if she was being raped and yelled at me in front of the class to turn the projector on. She doesn’t have any right to do that since she isn’t my boss. She is making me really dislike her… When I in tomorrow I am going to talk to professor Murray and tell her what’s going on. She warned me before that I need to really watch out for Shelain and Rico, that they will make my lives hell because they are jealous. I may have to speak with Davies as well, I just am so hesitant since I was late those times which wasn’t completely my fault since the trains were running on some bizarre schedule.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday:Things have been so crazy the past few weeks. They have been in both positive and negative ways.
About two weeks ago, I got an email from Dr. Lanzone which told me to contact Seth who is the head of the communications dept. I thought it may have been in regards to something technical or software based, but instead he was asking me if I was interested in working in the lab again. I told him I was, though I am not going to class this semester. He said it would also be for the spring semester as well. I emailed Dr. Lanzone top tell her that Seth wanted me to work in the lab, and she told me to call her as soon as I could. When I did that she gave me an earful about the lab. She told me how she always looked out for Mayra, the office manager, and that the school did not want to provide her with anymore time sheets so they let her go. The lab needed someone to oversee it and help students if they needed help and so they asked me. I honestly didn't know what to think when I was finally told that I would have Mayra's job nor did I know all of her responsibilities. I also wasn't sure how the other staff members would handle the news as well. They might not be so receptive to me running it and might feel that one of them should have been put in this position instead of me. The situation reminded me of the office when they were applying to work at corporate only to find out that Jan was getting fired and it was for her job. The person that did get the job was the temp Ryan, thats who I feel like right now. I was just a tutor, and then someone here providing tech support if something happened to one of the computers in the lab. The other members working in the lab had time to learn the Mac operating system but they didn't. They had about 2 years and I remain the only one that really knows how to use it, which was my selling point since one of the labs is all Macs. I wanted to talk to someone about all of this, so I turned to Mobruka, someone I really wouldn't run to if something was up. Especially since she is friendly with Mayra. I didn't know if the other staff members knew, or if Mayra even knew. When I spoke to Mobruka she said that she was disappointed she wasn't asked but realizes that I know Macs so that would make me most qualified. She said she was happy that at least it went to someone she knew. I told her my concerns with telling some of the other staff members and she said I should wait until we start working and let them find out, and I did that. I was dreading Rico coming into the lab and being an obnoxious shit which he normally is. Mobruka said that hopefully he felt the shift in power and wouldn't be his obnoxious self. I also worried that Shelain would feel that she deserved the job and that I took it away from her. I was basing this off of how she acted last semester when she saw my time sheet and that I made more money than her. She didn't have much of anything to say when she actually did come in. Milly did which surprised me. She said she was upset that she wasn't asked. She also said she realizes that it's a lot of work. I told Mobruka I was surprised that Milly said that, but I guess she felt that she would fit best in this position.
So far I don't have any complaints about the job though I need to have a clear set of what my responsibilities are. I have yet to find that out and really need to since people here have certain expectations of me. I don't know if all the things that Mayra did were part of her job, or if they were just added things that she did. Shelain made it sound like I am expected to sweep the floors and pick up every piece of crap that falls on the them. I assumed that was maintenance and apparently it is. The professor I had for film, Davies, said that I should come up with a list so that I can discuss this with Seth and figure out my responsibilities.
I really haven't heard from Jessica this week since I would talk to her when I was home and she was at work. Since I am in the office I really can't call her, especially when there are classes in session. I don't want people to think I am like Rico where I will just bullshit on the phone and waste time. The last time I spoke to her she was going to pick up the keys for the apartment, as for when she is moving into the place I don't know. I have my suspicion that it is this weekend though after reading something one of the twins wrote on her wall. I find it rather insulting that she hasn't asked me but runs to them for everything. And when they can't help her instead of asking me she just wines about how she doesn't have anyone to help her. She was supposed to be moved in already, but I know her schedule creates a conflict with that. I don't think that things were very well planed out in regards to her moving. I know she is unhappy and to her this seemed like the right decision. The film professor said something to me when he saw me working in the lab this semester that made me think of Jessica. He told me he was happy and disappointed that I was working in the lab. Happy because he knows I will do a good job and be able to help students, and disappointed because he doesn't want me to get stuck in this job and not be able to move forward. That is pretty much what is happening with Jessica. She is going to move into this apartment and not be able to do much of anything unless she finds another job. So I guess the plans she had for going back to college to be a vet tech is out...
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About two weeks ago, I got an email from Dr. Lanzone which told me to contact Seth who is the head of the communications dept. I thought it may have been in regards to something technical or software based, but instead he was asking me if I was interested in working in the lab again. I told him I was, though I am not going to class this semester. He said it would also be for the spring semester as well. I emailed Dr. Lanzone top tell her that Seth wanted me to work in the lab, and she told me to call her as soon as I could. When I did that she gave me an earful about the lab. She told me how she always looked out for Mayra, the office manager, and that the school did not want to provide her with anymore time sheets so they let her go. The lab needed someone to oversee it and help students if they needed help and so they asked me. I honestly didn't know what to think when I was finally told that I would have Mayra's job nor did I know all of her responsibilities. I also wasn't sure how the other staff members would handle the news as well. They might not be so receptive to me running it and might feel that one of them should have been put in this position instead of me. The situation reminded me of the office when they were applying to work at corporate only to find out that Jan was getting fired and it was for her job. The person that did get the job was the temp Ryan, thats who I feel like right now. I was just a tutor, and then someone here providing tech support if something happened to one of the computers in the lab. The other members working in the lab had time to learn the Mac operating system but they didn't. They had about 2 years and I remain the only one that really knows how to use it, which was my selling point since one of the labs is all Macs. I wanted to talk to someone about all of this, so I turned to Mobruka, someone I really wouldn't run to if something was up. Especially since she is friendly with Mayra. I didn't know if the other staff members knew, or if Mayra even knew. When I spoke to Mobruka she said that she was disappointed she wasn't asked but realizes that I know Macs so that would make me most qualified. She said she was happy that at least it went to someone she knew. I told her my concerns with telling some of the other staff members and she said I should wait until we start working and let them find out, and I did that. I was dreading Rico coming into the lab and being an obnoxious shit which he normally is. Mobruka said that hopefully he felt the shift in power and wouldn't be his obnoxious self. I also worried that Shelain would feel that she deserved the job and that I took it away from her. I was basing this off of how she acted last semester when she saw my time sheet and that I made more money than her. She didn't have much of anything to say when she actually did come in. Milly did which surprised me. She said she was upset that she wasn't asked. She also said she realizes that it's a lot of work. I told Mobruka I was surprised that Milly said that, but I guess she felt that she would fit best in this position.
So far I don't have any complaints about the job though I need to have a clear set of what my responsibilities are. I have yet to find that out and really need to since people here have certain expectations of me. I don't know if all the things that Mayra did were part of her job, or if they were just added things that she did. Shelain made it sound like I am expected to sweep the floors and pick up every piece of crap that falls on the them. I assumed that was maintenance and apparently it is. The professor I had for film, Davies, said that I should come up with a list so that I can discuss this with Seth and figure out my responsibilities.
I really haven't heard from Jessica this week since I would talk to her when I was home and she was at work. Since I am in the office I really can't call her, especially when there are classes in session. I don't want people to think I am like Rico where I will just bullshit on the phone and waste time. The last time I spoke to her she was going to pick up the keys for the apartment, as for when she is moving into the place I don't know. I have my suspicion that it is this weekend though after reading something one of the twins wrote on her wall. I find it rather insulting that she hasn't asked me but runs to them for everything. And when they can't help her instead of asking me she just wines about how she doesn't have anyone to help her. She was supposed to be moved in already, but I know her schedule creates a conflict with that. I don't think that things were very well planed out in regards to her moving. I know she is unhappy and to her this seemed like the right decision. The film professor said something to me when he saw me working in the lab this semester that made me think of Jessica. He told me he was happy and disappointed that I was working in the lab. Happy because he knows I will do a good job and be able to help students, and disappointed because he doesn't want me to get stuck in this job and not be able to move forward. That is pretty much what is happening with Jessica. She is going to move into this apartment and not be able to do much of anything unless she finds another job. So I guess the plans she had for going back to college to be a vet tech is out...
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:"You Do You" by Beast in Heaven
Thursday, August 4, 2011
"We Are Water" by HEALTH
Wednesday: I think its everything that has been going on lately that is making me not very happy. I haven’t really been in the mood to do much and I do have things to take care of. One of the things is finishing my room. I haven’t put anything back into it yet other than clothes from my dresser after the whole carpet beetle fiasco part 2. On the path to getting things back in order, the exterminator is coming this weekend. My mother told him about the beetles and he said he had something he could spray to kill them. He must think they are still there though and he said he wanted a specimen but they are gone. Or I think so anyway, all that is left is just a skin or two from the larva which he can take. The other thing that needs to be put in order is the hutch needs to be emptied and the new desk needs to be put in place. That then requires me to move everything over there. I am not looking forward to lifting my 80+ pound desktop.
This past weekend I went out with Jessica and she wanted to drive. She recently got a used car and wanted to drive instead of taking car service down to where we hang out. She did admit to regretting it towards the end of the night since we couldn’t drink. She said it would be the last night she would drive it but I don’t know how true that is, especially with what went on today. She told me last week that she went to go look at an apartment just to “look”. I think that my skills in reading people and knowing what they are going to do is better than people think. I knew she was going to look at it and make a decision impulsively. She assured me that she was still just looking though. We really didn’t discuss anything about the apartment while she was out. If we did, she just told me that the area wasn’t that bad, though it is. I told her I wish she could take the apartment on the third floor, and she kept saying how it is to much room for her. Honestly, if I had the money to give my parents a month I would take that apartment despite how large it is. I really wouldn’t care, but that’s me. The people up there need to go also. They have been extra annoying lately and my mother is done with their shit. Just to discuss some of what went on, the outlet in the bathroom died and they needed a new one. When it was replaced the electrician put in a white one which the husband turned around and said he couldn’t live with that being white and it had to be changed right away. I don’t think I am doing any justice to how he sounded. He made it seem as if he were going to stop living if the plug was not replaced as soon as possible due to it being white, mind you the bathroom is black and white. There are some other things they did also that were fucked up. Like lie about going to the basement to take care of some things they put down there only to look at the power grid box circuit breaker and then comment to my mother on how old it was. The list goes on, you get the picture.
I hadn’t heard from Jess, and I was in a funk today. Really looking forward to hanging out with Alex from school and telling her about the research project, bringing her up to speed on things as we hang out in the cemetery. I really have established a fine sense of knowing when someone is going to flake out on me which she did. She is interning at the district attorney’s office, why I don’t know since she is a forensic psych major and doing work there doesn’t make sense since that is more of a criminal justice, law, criminology, you get the idea, internship. So I asked about Friday since tomorrow is going to rain anyway and she said no because she is going to be working. I mentioned Tuesday but I have a feeling she just isn’t going to go as much as she said she wanted to.
I spoke to Jessica before that though and she was all excited and told me she had good news. That being that she took the apartment and is moving. I did not have anything good to say though I didn’t get into things because if you talk about anything with Jessica that isn’t’ what she wants to hear she has to go and dismisses you. Sounds like Isadora… Anyway I told her that she won’t be 5 blocks away from me and in walking distance, her answer was I can take the train and I can sleep over since she will have another room. That is not what I wanted to hear. I also pointed out we can’t go for walks. She didn’t say anything she was just quiet. She gave me her reason as to what she claims to be the straw that broke the camels back, I honestly just think she was being impulsive and using this as an excuse. I really would love to sit her down and talk to her and tell her how as much as she tries to grow up, she isn’t doing it the right way. At this point I see so many similarities with Isadora it isn’t funny.
This past weekend I went out with Jessica and she wanted to drive. She recently got a used car and wanted to drive instead of taking car service down to where we hang out. She did admit to regretting it towards the end of the night since we couldn’t drink. She said it would be the last night she would drive it but I don’t know how true that is, especially with what went on today. She told me last week that she went to go look at an apartment just to “look”. I think that my skills in reading people and knowing what they are going to do is better than people think. I knew she was going to look at it and make a decision impulsively. She assured me that she was still just looking though. We really didn’t discuss anything about the apartment while she was out. If we did, she just told me that the area wasn’t that bad, though it is. I told her I wish she could take the apartment on the third floor, and she kept saying how it is to much room for her. Honestly, if I had the money to give my parents a month I would take that apartment despite how large it is. I really wouldn’t care, but that’s me. The people up there need to go also. They have been extra annoying lately and my mother is done with their shit. Just to discuss some of what went on, the outlet in the bathroom died and they needed a new one. When it was replaced the electrician put in a white one which the husband turned around and said he couldn’t live with that being white and it had to be changed right away. I don’t think I am doing any justice to how he sounded. He made it seem as if he were going to stop living if the plug was not replaced as soon as possible due to it being white, mind you the bathroom is black and white. There are some other things they did also that were fucked up. Like lie about going to the basement to take care of some things they put down there only to look at the power grid box circuit breaker and then comment to my mother on how old it was. The list goes on, you get the picture.
I hadn’t heard from Jess, and I was in a funk today. Really looking forward to hanging out with Alex from school and telling her about the research project, bringing her up to speed on things as we hang out in the cemetery. I really have established a fine sense of knowing when someone is going to flake out on me which she did. She is interning at the district attorney’s office, why I don’t know since she is a forensic psych major and doing work there doesn’t make sense since that is more of a criminal justice, law, criminology, you get the idea, internship. So I asked about Friday since tomorrow is going to rain anyway and she said no because she is going to be working. I mentioned Tuesday but I have a feeling she just isn’t going to go as much as she said she wanted to.
I spoke to Jessica before that though and she was all excited and told me she had good news. That being that she took the apartment and is moving. I did not have anything good to say though I didn’t get into things because if you talk about anything with Jessica that isn’t’ what she wants to hear she has to go and dismisses you. Sounds like Isadora… Anyway I told her that she won’t be 5 blocks away from me and in walking distance, her answer was I can take the train and I can sleep over since she will have another room. That is not what I wanted to hear. I also pointed out we can’t go for walks. She didn’t say anything she was just quiet. She gave me her reason as to what she claims to be the straw that broke the camels back, I honestly just think she was being impulsive and using this as an excuse. I really would love to sit her down and talk to her and tell her how as much as she tries to grow up, she isn’t doing it the right way. At this point I see so many similarities with Isadora it isn’t funny.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
"Heaven's on Fire" by The Radio Dept.
Wednesday: For some reason I feel as if my summer is beyond repair right now. I think its due to how things started off. I think I just view things are being beyond repairing right now. This summer is different too since I graduated. I know I’m not going back to school in the fall so it doesn’t feel the same where I need to worry cause it’s the middle of July and my vacation is running out. I also don’t have Mike asking me what I want to do since he is at an internship. His time is being taken up so I am home being miserable heh. Well the good thing is that I have 2 concerts coming up, one Wednesday (Wild Beasts) and one Friday (A Perfect Circle). I also have been looking forward to seeing the next Harry Potter movie with Mike and Jessica which will be this Saturday for us. So I will be busy for a change.
Some things have been definitely discoursing for sure though. For example the whole focus group I am supposed to have this week. I have yet to email the professor, mainly because I guess I just don’t see a point. It would be a good idea to though, to tell him that out of the people I emailed only 2 answered me and both of them are not able to make it to the group due ot the time. Plus people don’t want to travel to school when they are off for the summer. I know I don’t like going there when it’s the summer, unless I’m working. It probably would have been a better idea to do this over the fall semester. I think Brett is in a rush to get things done though hence why he is doing it now and not waiting. Haste makes waste though.
I went to my endocrinologist this weekend and she said my blood work was great. The only thing that is a problem is this thalassemia trait that seems to always come up. It won’t hurt me but if I were to have children with someone that had that trait, the children would then have issues with being anemic. The only thing though that is affecting me is that I am low on vitamin D. Because I have that UV sensitivity I and wear a lotion with an spf it blocks my body from absorbing vitamin D. I take a multi vitamin but apparently it isn’t enough. I told her how I have a pain in my back and have had one and asked why she asks me about that and she said that diabetics get back issues and though I am young she still asks. She said that my need of vitamin D could be the reason why I am having back pain so she prescribed me some industrial intense prescription only form of D. its about 50,000 units of D that I only take once a week. After taking that first pill the pain in my back subsided though now it is back I won’t lie and say it magically went away. I wish it would. The only other thing we discussed, other than the pump which I still refuse to get, was getting the subcutaneous glucose monitor. The way that works is, it would be on me for 3 days at a time constantly testing my blood sugar. I wouldn’t need to carry my blood machine anymore since the other thing would be on me all the time. I have less resistance to the idea of getting that than the pump. With the pump I just fear it malfunctioning and causing my death or something serious. With the glucometer the only thing it could do is just give me misreadings which is easy for me to figure out if something is wrong.
Some things have been definitely discoursing for sure though. For example the whole focus group I am supposed to have this week. I have yet to email the professor, mainly because I guess I just don’t see a point. It would be a good idea to though, to tell him that out of the people I emailed only 2 answered me and both of them are not able to make it to the group due ot the time. Plus people don’t want to travel to school when they are off for the summer. I know I don’t like going there when it’s the summer, unless I’m working. It probably would have been a better idea to do this over the fall semester. I think Brett is in a rush to get things done though hence why he is doing it now and not waiting. Haste makes waste though.
I went to my endocrinologist this weekend and she said my blood work was great. The only thing that is a problem is this thalassemia trait that seems to always come up. It won’t hurt me but if I were to have children with someone that had that trait, the children would then have issues with being anemic. The only thing though that is affecting me is that I am low on vitamin D. Because I have that UV sensitivity I and wear a lotion with an spf it blocks my body from absorbing vitamin D. I take a multi vitamin but apparently it isn’t enough. I told her how I have a pain in my back and have had one and asked why she asks me about that and she said that diabetics get back issues and though I am young she still asks. She said that my need of vitamin D could be the reason why I am having back pain so she prescribed me some industrial intense prescription only form of D. its about 50,000 units of D that I only take once a week. After taking that first pill the pain in my back subsided though now it is back I won’t lie and say it magically went away. I wish it would. The only other thing we discussed, other than the pump which I still refuse to get, was getting the subcutaneous glucose monitor. The way that works is, it would be on me for 3 days at a time constantly testing my blood sugar. I wouldn’t need to carry my blood machine anymore since the other thing would be on me all the time. I have less resistance to the idea of getting that than the pump. With the pump I just fear it malfunctioning and causing my death or something serious. With the glucometer the only thing it could do is just give me misreadings which is easy for me to figure out if something is wrong.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
"We Use To Wait" by Arcade Fire
Monday: I thought I had a really great system on here with writing updates on my ipad and then pasting them into IAM and then into the blogging ap so that it posts onto here. It doesn’t help when I get lazy though.
The whole ordeal with my father in the hospital was a huge mess. He is home now but while he was there it was a disaster. Due to him needing ot have his stomach drained of any of the toxic fluid from his appendix he wasn’t aloud to eat nor get any of his meds. I never thought my father was someone that needed his meds to keep him from having major psychotic episodes, but yeah I think he does need them now. He was seeing things that weren’t there and most of the time it was difficult to know what was fact or fiction. When he moved out of icu the care he received from the nurses sucked. In icu they pretty much watch everything you do and there is a nurse to every 4 patients. On a regular floor I think there are 2 nurses per floor. So the ratio is different and so is the care. One day in particular is a great example of it too, my father sat in his own shit for hours. A pile of towels and bed sheets were in the corner covered and so was he. No one bothered to come and clean him. My mother and I did the best we could and changed his hospital gown and tried to not disturb his iv. His doctors were making rounds, one of them in particular needed someone to hold him down and have someone kick him in the testicles until he lost consciousness and wasn’t able to have children. His over all attitude was shit and he acted like he didn’t want to be there and that he was God. One of the doctors with him asked my father if he still had diarrhea, which was not something new. He had it from when he first went into the hospital so I don’t know why they didn’t know this. When we pointed to the pile in the corner that doctor and the others just had an “oh” reaction. He was moved from that room shortly after and put into a room alone to prevent him from contaminating anyone with the “bug” he had. So when my mother and I went to visit him and found out we needed to wear this heavy protective gear we left. Manly due to our compromised immune systems, we didn’t really want to get anything my father had. My father was then finally being released on father’s day, we made sure to make the dinner we had that night special.
I think that the stress of everything had been getting to me. The Thursday, a few days before my father’s release, I started to have pain in my lower back which was upsetting. I have been doing exercise but this has stopped me since it isn’t really the most comfortable feeling. To make things worse the Monday after my father’s release something happened. It was about 6am and I was getting ready for bed. My mother just got up and saw me closing the computer and she went back to sleep. As my computer turned off I felt an overwhelming waves of nausea. I was going to get up to run to the bathroom but as it intensified it passed and I started to feel really strange. I grabbed my blood machine and tested at the kitchen table. I felt silly to call for my parents but I felt that if I didn’t now I would regret it and so I did. I said I needed help and I didn’t feel well and I didn’t know what was wrong. My father came into the kitchen to see what was wrong with my mother trailing behind, by the time he got there I was already falling to the floor. All I remember was testing my blood and the machine saying 9,999. I landed on the side of my face as I crashed to the ground. My mother asked me what happened and I told her I needed to do my blood. I felt like I was under water I couldn’t really move. She came back with a cold compress to put on my face, and after testing my blood and seeing it was only 97 and not this insane number I didn’t know what happened. I had some juice and felt better and went to sleep. I went to the doctor on Tuesday to get yelled because whenever I go see Dr. Hyman my blood sugar has to be insane. So I got the disappointed look from him. One thing I am happy about is he can’t contact my endocrinologist which is something he did years ago when I was younger, and did something stupid. I had eaten candy before I went to see him and he called my endo and told him which I heard about the next time I went. Its rather annoying, and pisses me off about him that he still holds that against me. When I told him that I collapsed in the kitchen he asked why I didn’t think I needed to to the ER at that point. I just looked at him and said, I didn’t pass out I just collapsed. He said the pain in my back was a muscle spasm and said that if the pain in my back wasn’t gone by that Friday I should come back and get an x-ray which I didn’t do.
The pain is going away, and I have been using a heating pad on my back whenever I can. I have go to go sleep soon since I have a research meeting tomorrow. The professor had been emailing me the whole time while all of this drama had been going on with my father and myself. I only told him about what was going on with my father. I felt that he maybe might have read to much into things and thought that maybe I was just saying these things to get out of doing work since I didn’t get the summer internship position to work with him. That is how I see it though and I didn’t want him to think that. I was also shocked that he contacted me to ask me how things were going since he tends to take on more of the role of the observer and is detached. Selma had been talking to me through texts and it looks like the survey was changed from what her and I worked on. I took the survey tonight since he sent it out and its way to long. Also some of the wording seems like someone from the 1920s came and decided to write some questions. I don’t want to be overly critical and not be taken seriously if I make comments like that but that is how I feel. I feel like someone was trying to hard to impress and did not do a very good job at it. More than likely, it was Sharleen…
The whole ordeal with my father in the hospital was a huge mess. He is home now but while he was there it was a disaster. Due to him needing ot have his stomach drained of any of the toxic fluid from his appendix he wasn’t aloud to eat nor get any of his meds. I never thought my father was someone that needed his meds to keep him from having major psychotic episodes, but yeah I think he does need them now. He was seeing things that weren’t there and most of the time it was difficult to know what was fact or fiction. When he moved out of icu the care he received from the nurses sucked. In icu they pretty much watch everything you do and there is a nurse to every 4 patients. On a regular floor I think there are 2 nurses per floor. So the ratio is different and so is the care. One day in particular is a great example of it too, my father sat in his own shit for hours. A pile of towels and bed sheets were in the corner covered and so was he. No one bothered to come and clean him. My mother and I did the best we could and changed his hospital gown and tried to not disturb his iv. His doctors were making rounds, one of them in particular needed someone to hold him down and have someone kick him in the testicles until he lost consciousness and wasn’t able to have children. His over all attitude was shit and he acted like he didn’t want to be there and that he was God. One of the doctors with him asked my father if he still had diarrhea, which was not something new. He had it from when he first went into the hospital so I don’t know why they didn’t know this. When we pointed to the pile in the corner that doctor and the others just had an “oh” reaction. He was moved from that room shortly after and put into a room alone to prevent him from contaminating anyone with the “bug” he had. So when my mother and I went to visit him and found out we needed to wear this heavy protective gear we left. Manly due to our compromised immune systems, we didn’t really want to get anything my father had. My father was then finally being released on father’s day, we made sure to make the dinner we had that night special.
I think that the stress of everything had been getting to me. The Thursday, a few days before my father’s release, I started to have pain in my lower back which was upsetting. I have been doing exercise but this has stopped me since it isn’t really the most comfortable feeling. To make things worse the Monday after my father’s release something happened. It was about 6am and I was getting ready for bed. My mother just got up and saw me closing the computer and she went back to sleep. As my computer turned off I felt an overwhelming waves of nausea. I was going to get up to run to the bathroom but as it intensified it passed and I started to feel really strange. I grabbed my blood machine and tested at the kitchen table. I felt silly to call for my parents but I felt that if I didn’t now I would regret it and so I did. I said I needed help and I didn’t feel well and I didn’t know what was wrong. My father came into the kitchen to see what was wrong with my mother trailing behind, by the time he got there I was already falling to the floor. All I remember was testing my blood and the machine saying 9,999. I landed on the side of my face as I crashed to the ground. My mother asked me what happened and I told her I needed to do my blood. I felt like I was under water I couldn’t really move. She came back with a cold compress to put on my face, and after testing my blood and seeing it was only 97 and not this insane number I didn’t know what happened. I had some juice and felt better and went to sleep. I went to the doctor on Tuesday to get yelled because whenever I go see Dr. Hyman my blood sugar has to be insane. So I got the disappointed look from him. One thing I am happy about is he can’t contact my endocrinologist which is something he did years ago when I was younger, and did something stupid. I had eaten candy before I went to see him and he called my endo and told him which I heard about the next time I went. Its rather annoying, and pisses me off about him that he still holds that against me. When I told him that I collapsed in the kitchen he asked why I didn’t think I needed to to the ER at that point. I just looked at him and said, I didn’t pass out I just collapsed. He said the pain in my back was a muscle spasm and said that if the pain in my back wasn’t gone by that Friday I should come back and get an x-ray which I didn’t do.
The pain is going away, and I have been using a heating pad on my back whenever I can. I have go to go sleep soon since I have a research meeting tomorrow. The professor had been emailing me the whole time while all of this drama had been going on with my father and myself. I only told him about what was going on with my father. I felt that he maybe might have read to much into things and thought that maybe I was just saying these things to get out of doing work since I didn’t get the summer internship position to work with him. That is how I see it though and I didn’t want him to think that. I was also shocked that he contacted me to ask me how things were going since he tends to take on more of the role of the observer and is detached. Selma had been talking to me through texts and it looks like the survey was changed from what her and I worked on. I took the survey tonight since he sent it out and its way to long. Also some of the wording seems like someone from the 1920s came and decided to write some questions. I don’t want to be overly critical and not be taken seriously if I make comments like that but that is how I feel. I feel like someone was trying to hard to impress and did not do a very good job at it. More than likely, it was Sharleen…
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"Savior" by 30 Seconds to Mars
Monday: The smell of camphor ignites my room. I feel it’s so strong it would wake the dead. It needs to kill those closet beetles in my room so I can go back to existing in there. I have kept the door closed with the fan on, or off, depending on how intense the smell is in my room. It is currently at the point where I start sneezing when I walk in so I think its time to clean up.
I visited my father in the afternoon, mentioning what we have been doing with my room. He was in a grumpy miserable mood worse than yesterday. It makes me feel like we shouldn’t stay long, but our visit today was our longest. Time escaped us but so much was going on. He wasn’t speaking clearly and he seemed to be suffering a delirium. Usually, when this happens there is a kidney infection as we learned in the past. This time they said there isn’t anything there in his kidneys. So we sat and spoke with him until the desi nurse came in, and we requested to speak with the doctor. Shortly after a young woman entered with long brown hair. She looked as if she should be on some new hit show more than operating on people. She explained what was going on with my father. He isn’t allowed to eat so they can see why his stomach is distended. They inserted a tube down his nose into his stomach to drain fluids, but he pulled it out which wasn’t good. So they are watching him over night to see what is the cause of the bloat. We discussed the random things my father was saying; how he saw flies, faces on the faucet, and the drummer playing outside. The doctor explained that since he isn’t home that is the cause of that, but I don’t know how true that is. He also wasn’t happy with us talking about him with him there, we should have left but didn’t think of it. As time passed, he started to make less sense. It wasn’t complete nonsense but him talking about the computer terminal saying “I don’t know how they can call this art” made us wonder what’s going on. And so it was time to leave and he seemed to not be happy about it, but as mean as this might sound only as much we can do there. Especially with him talking that way.
My mother and I went to CVS, but weren’t there long. We came home to find my father calling and asking my mother where we were. He told her how that young doctor gave my father water, which he was dying for. While he drank it she pushed the tube down his nose and he said she wasn’t gentle doing so. They spoke for a while and then my mother told him the cats were in the room. She put him on speaker phone and he called their names. They came over and Teddy was smelling the phone. My mother told him they came and apparently it was to much for him. He began to sob on the phone and hung up. My mother assured him everything is alright and he will be home soon, but no one was on the other end to hear what she had to say.
I started to clean my room slowly vacuuming up the crystals to ward off the beetles. After I did that I started to clean up the room. Apparently it is worse than I expected. A lot of the things under my bed have their shed exoskeletons on them and some cloth items have them actually on them feasting on the threads. I threw all of that away. The fact they got inside my camera bag scares me. So I need to do a more intense cleaning which is for tomorrow. It depressed me to much knowing what is going on there. I think I need to empty my dresser, wash everything, and put moth balls in. I am going to smell like an old lady…
I visited my father in the afternoon, mentioning what we have been doing with my room. He was in a grumpy miserable mood worse than yesterday. It makes me feel like we shouldn’t stay long, but our visit today was our longest. Time escaped us but so much was going on. He wasn’t speaking clearly and he seemed to be suffering a delirium. Usually, when this happens there is a kidney infection as we learned in the past. This time they said there isn’t anything there in his kidneys. So we sat and spoke with him until the desi nurse came in, and we requested to speak with the doctor. Shortly after a young woman entered with long brown hair. She looked as if she should be on some new hit show more than operating on people. She explained what was going on with my father. He isn’t allowed to eat so they can see why his stomach is distended. They inserted a tube down his nose into his stomach to drain fluids, but he pulled it out which wasn’t good. So they are watching him over night to see what is the cause of the bloat. We discussed the random things my father was saying; how he saw flies, faces on the faucet, and the drummer playing outside. The doctor explained that since he isn’t home that is the cause of that, but I don’t know how true that is. He also wasn’t happy with us talking about him with him there, we should have left but didn’t think of it. As time passed, he started to make less sense. It wasn’t complete nonsense but him talking about the computer terminal saying “I don’t know how they can call this art” made us wonder what’s going on. And so it was time to leave and he seemed to not be happy about it, but as mean as this might sound only as much we can do there. Especially with him talking that way.
My mother and I went to CVS, but weren’t there long. We came home to find my father calling and asking my mother where we were. He told her how that young doctor gave my father water, which he was dying for. While he drank it she pushed the tube down his nose and he said she wasn’t gentle doing so. They spoke for a while and then my mother told him the cats were in the room. She put him on speaker phone and he called their names. They came over and Teddy was smelling the phone. My mother told him they came and apparently it was to much for him. He began to sob on the phone and hung up. My mother assured him everything is alright and he will be home soon, but no one was on the other end to hear what she had to say.
I started to clean my room slowly vacuuming up the crystals to ward off the beetles. After I did that I started to clean up the room. Apparently it is worse than I expected. A lot of the things under my bed have their shed exoskeletons on them and some cloth items have them actually on them feasting on the threads. I threw all of that away. The fact they got inside my camera bag scares me. So I need to do a more intense cleaning which is for tomorrow. It depressed me to much knowing what is going on there. I think I need to empty my dresser, wash everything, and put moth balls in. I am going to smell like an old lady…
Sunday, June 12, 2011
"Soldier On" by The Temper Trap
Saturday: I think I get horribly lazy when it comes to updating this, or I just get distracted by other things. My summer is not really going how I planned, I know I am still surprised I graduated. Okay, that sounds horrible. I knew I was going to graduate, I just didn’t know it was going to be now. I expected my school to put up more of a fight since they have in the past. They have kept me there longer than I originally planned. The second degree was going to be quick and it definitely was not. What is funny, is that I remember reapplying and going back as if it were yesterday. I remember the drama I went through, and how horrible I felt. Then again the reason why I feel this way is because Bessy is going through the same thing I did. So I am pretty much reliving this through her. I also am advising her in what to do since this is something that not many students do at my school, or not many advertise that they have done. She is a mess over this and I am trying to advise her the best I can in what to exactly do so that she doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. I remember feeling that way among other things. I hated that I didn’t take things as seriously as I should, that I didn’t drop classes that were dragging me down, and that I didn’t make friends with people in the classes to help me with picking courses. The friends I made were in electives, which didn’t help me as much. But, now that I am finished I really need to figure out what I am going to do with myself. All I am hearing from friends is “so what are you going to do in the fall?” Honestly I am not sure. If things don’t fall into place with me working at my high school, I’ll have to find something to do job wise. Sadly I won’t be working at my college like I have been unless it’s a design position for a professor. That is pretty much it. Other than that I was planning on taking the gre and a prep class so I can apply for the spring’s grad program. Whenever I think of grad school now, I have the conversation I had with Dr. Murray stuck in my head. She is friend with one of the graduate admissions people, I believe he is the one in charge. Dr. Lanzone told me this so I mentioned it to her and she told me how her and Bill always talk about graduate admissions. She told me he has a lot of pressure put on him in regards to changing the requirements for the program. How the bar needs to be raised and he feels it is high enough. If someone else gets his job they are going to make it so you are required to walk on fire and shit gold bricks at the same time. If that is the case, I sadly, cannot do either of those things. Dr. Murray pointed out that I should take a prep class, but the way she said it, made me feel that I am stupid and that I am doing something I can’t do. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe I just feel guilty cause my book bag attacked her when I was outside of the office, ensnaring her leg forcing her to bust her ass.
All I know, is that this week has really been stressful, enough to give me a full head of gray/white hair. I discussed it with Jessica tonight over dinner, telling her how my father hadn’t been feeling well starting on Tuesday. He went out for a walk to return being in pain in his lower abdomen. At one point he was trying to throw up, but that didn’t last very long. He said the pain left him the next day but it returned shortly after that. My mother and I honestly did not know what it could be and we had various ideas going through our heads. All we knew was that he needed to go to the hospital asap. Well, he put up a fight alright with that and refused to go even thought he pain became exponentially worse. Finally he agreed to go Thursday night on Friday. My mother walked him to the car with me trailing behind locking up. One of our neighbors which we cannot stand for various reasons was out and watching us like a hawk. I told my mother this later on and she said that she will probably contact my aunt and tell her what’s going on since my cousin’s wedding was this weekend eh. (My family was invited, but this doesn’t mean we were going. My mother is still not really a big fan of my aunt due to all the drama with the house. I didn’t feel comfortable going because of that tension and how my aunt would act with me there. Not negative but just up my ass and being a pain. Also my mother wasn’t to happy that my other aunt and cousins were going as well and hiding it from my mother by just not mentioning it and being avoidant. When my cousin and mother spoke my mother said my father wasn’t feeling well, which was when he was dealing with all the issues with his kidneys. She said that my father needed to go for tests and such the week before the wedding and we didn’t know if we could go. My mother didn’t know this was going to happen with my father though…) We waited in the ER for my father to be taken in. He was diagnosed with an appendicitis but we didn’t know how serious it was until later on that day. When we left the veterans hospital we were told he was going to be operated on Saturday. That changed though, by the time we got home he called me to tell me that he was going to be operated on that night. A doctor called at night telling my mother she needed to come to the hospital now, not that anything happened. He just said that we should be and be there for when my father comes out of surgery. My mother asked if she could come in half an hour but the doctor started to get very testy and yell telling my mother that she needed to leave now. So we did, and we also waited because they were not finished when we got there. We took our time too.
When the surgeon came and met us in the waiting room he told us that his appendix proliferated. He also added that if my father didn’t come in today to get it removed he would be dead Saturday. We went upstairs to wait for him to come out of the operating room. We waited about 45 minutes before he was even wheeled up there and then he still wasn’t ready to see us, but my mother wanted to go since we were already waiting. We stopped in, but he was out of it. He told us to come tomorrow well through a series of blinks and nods we pretty much figured we would come tomorrow.
Today when we visited him he had a nurse keeping watch over him which sounded exactly like my mother’s friend Arlene. To make things funnier she is also a QVC junkie, just like my mother’s friend. I think it was her long lost sister. Anyway, my father was breathing erratically, which the nurse warned him about. He needs to stop doing that other wise he will get pneumonia and be there long. He also needs to move around so fluid doesn’t collect for the same reason. I have to say that in my 27 years of existence, I have not seen my parents hold hands ever that changed today. My father was in distress and breathing as if he had run a marathon. He extended his hand for my mother’s and she gave it to him. I had to hold back from getting emotional especially after hearing that he could be there long for pneumonia. I am not close with my father, and he is a pain in my ass, but I realize I only have one and that this is something that wasn’t serious that turned serious due to him not going to the hospital sooner. He relaxed after he was given morphine and also ate. I don’t know how long we stayed but he told us we could go so we could see him tomorrow. From the information we got finally as we were leaving, it looked like his appendix ruptured when he first began to have pain. I guess he didn’t realize how serious it was, though I have heard that the pain from a ruptured appendix is unbearable. I don’t know how he slept with that…
All I know, is that this week has really been stressful, enough to give me a full head of gray/white hair. I discussed it with Jessica tonight over dinner, telling her how my father hadn’t been feeling well starting on Tuesday. He went out for a walk to return being in pain in his lower abdomen. At one point he was trying to throw up, but that didn’t last very long. He said the pain left him the next day but it returned shortly after that. My mother and I honestly did not know what it could be and we had various ideas going through our heads. All we knew was that he needed to go to the hospital asap. Well, he put up a fight alright with that and refused to go even thought he pain became exponentially worse. Finally he agreed to go Thursday night on Friday. My mother walked him to the car with me trailing behind locking up. One of our neighbors which we cannot stand for various reasons was out and watching us like a hawk. I told my mother this later on and she said that she will probably contact my aunt and tell her what’s going on since my cousin’s wedding was this weekend eh. (My family was invited, but this doesn’t mean we were going. My mother is still not really a big fan of my aunt due to all the drama with the house. I didn’t feel comfortable going because of that tension and how my aunt would act with me there. Not negative but just up my ass and being a pain. Also my mother wasn’t to happy that my other aunt and cousins were going as well and hiding it from my mother by just not mentioning it and being avoidant. When my cousin and mother spoke my mother said my father wasn’t feeling well, which was when he was dealing with all the issues with his kidneys. She said that my father needed to go for tests and such the week before the wedding and we didn’t know if we could go. My mother didn’t know this was going to happen with my father though…) We waited in the ER for my father to be taken in. He was diagnosed with an appendicitis but we didn’t know how serious it was until later on that day. When we left the veterans hospital we were told he was going to be operated on Saturday. That changed though, by the time we got home he called me to tell me that he was going to be operated on that night. A doctor called at night telling my mother she needed to come to the hospital now, not that anything happened. He just said that we should be and be there for when my father comes out of surgery. My mother asked if she could come in half an hour but the doctor started to get very testy and yell telling my mother that she needed to leave now. So we did, and we also waited because they were not finished when we got there. We took our time too.
When the surgeon came and met us in the waiting room he told us that his appendix proliferated. He also added that if my father didn’t come in today to get it removed he would be dead Saturday. We went upstairs to wait for him to come out of the operating room. We waited about 45 minutes before he was even wheeled up there and then he still wasn’t ready to see us, but my mother wanted to go since we were already waiting. We stopped in, but he was out of it. He told us to come tomorrow well through a series of blinks and nods we pretty much figured we would come tomorrow.
Today when we visited him he had a nurse keeping watch over him which sounded exactly like my mother’s friend Arlene. To make things funnier she is also a QVC junkie, just like my mother’s friend. I think it was her long lost sister. Anyway, my father was breathing erratically, which the nurse warned him about. He needs to stop doing that other wise he will get pneumonia and be there long. He also needs to move around so fluid doesn’t collect for the same reason. I have to say that in my 27 years of existence, I have not seen my parents hold hands ever that changed today. My father was in distress and breathing as if he had run a marathon. He extended his hand for my mother’s and she gave it to him. I had to hold back from getting emotional especially after hearing that he could be there long for pneumonia. I am not close with my father, and he is a pain in my ass, but I realize I only have one and that this is something that wasn’t serious that turned serious due to him not going to the hospital sooner. He relaxed after he was given morphine and also ate. I don’t know how long we stayed but he told us we could go so we could see him tomorrow. From the information we got finally as we were leaving, it looked like his appendix ruptured when he first began to have pain. I guess he didn’t realize how serious it was, though I have heard that the pain from a ruptured appendix is unbearable. I don’t know how he slept with that…
Thursday, May 19, 2011
"The Suburbs (Continued)" by Arcade Fire
Wednesday: Today turned into a little bit of a disaster which started last night. Jessica had a removal and ended up in a psych ward with the child she removed. This led to her getting home late, not as late as some other situations she has been in, but late enough. Today when I woke up I asked her if she was coming tonight, she said things didn’t look good. So I weighted my options and after taking a shower I asked my mother. She wasn’t prepared to go, and then just felt guilty for not going. I told her that plans just didn’t fall into place the way they were supposed to. So I got myself ready and left and was talking to her on the way to the city. She said she felt bad and hoped that Jessica was able to make it for me. When I got to the city, I waited 25 min for a cab and the one I got into smelt like death. I was worried about my stomach would act up and I’d end up running off the stage in the middle of talking. When I got there I spoke with the other members from the group and surprisingly enough Jessica made it to the city and asked me where the college was to find it. She arrived shortly after the refreshments were served. I was hesitant to eat but I ate with her and then just hung out and waited. When the award presentations started I was all anxious as were the other members in the group. The auditorium could have held over 100 people, there were maybe 70 there? It was unclear, but all I knew was I was going to be in front of people and talking… So, it was our turn and we walked on stage. After Sharleen spoke it was my turn. I read from my ipad and was just nervous and at a point I pretty much was like fuck this and read my interpretation of the notes I had. I don’t think I did horribly but I think it was noticeable that I was nervous. But at least I didn’t run off stage needing the bathroom! The only thing I did that was embarrassing was walk on the wrong side of the state when the awards were being given out. But that wasn’t really all my fault. I kept telling Selma that we were next and that we had to go on stage and she kept saying no. Finally when we were called I just looked at her and walked up the other way. Whatever though, we got our awards and took some pictures. When it was time for us to leave, Selma had to run to the bathroom. I don’t really talk to Sharleen and after this point of the night I really am just disliking her a lot more now. While Selma was in the bathroom an elevator opened and she said “well I am going guys later” and Maia and Yuki ran after her saying they were going too after they said they’d wait for Selma. I told her what happened when she came out and she just looked at me. We don’t really like Sharleen and I know she hates that the girl comes off as perfect.
I took a walk to hunt down a starbucks since I felt better and left with Jessica. I passed out shortly after watching Happy Endings. I am just happy that the night went well and its over. I was to stressed. I just need to conquer a final, 2 papers, and a performance for crisis ugh.
I took a walk to hunt down a starbucks since I felt better and left with Jessica. I passed out shortly after watching Happy Endings. I am just happy that the night went well and its over. I was to stressed. I just need to conquer a final, 2 papers, and a performance for crisis ugh.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
"Modern Man" by Arcade Fire
Tuesday: Knowing that I am finally graduating is exciting, but I wonder if it’s contributing to my stress level. My classes are officially over, but I still have 2 papers in one class due with a final and a final in my other class where I actually have to be in front of people and have to perform. Added, my research group has been acknowledged for our work in gender research and receiving an award. I am in charge of the presentation and also will be speaking in front of possibly 100 people. My nerves are shot and one of the three rhea sisters is visiting me. Well she was today anyway which was not pleasant at all!
My film professor keeps assuring me not to worry about my grade, telling me how I have done exceedingly well. Then again he did call me special today… I don’t think he meant it in a mentally challenged way, well I hope he didn’t anyway. In Crisis we practiced our final in front of the class which was well received. The professor made small criticisms which we are taking into account for the day we actually perform in front of the class. I believe that is Tuesday.
There was a meeting today about the reading lab the same time as my research meeting. I don’t think in the fall I will be working in the lab because of what is going on with the lab being under new ownership. I am hoping the film professor is able to get me to work there for the spring though to help with his course and the other media courses offered by my college. When I ran to the research meeting the professor had the presentation I worked on open and had made some changes. I think the look on my face was that of a deer in the head lights. I would say it was more so that way after another research student, Yuki, made some changes thinking that I had accidentally screwed something up and wanted to help and change things. Instead she made a mess… In the meeting I mentioned it and looked at her. She is lucky she didn’t burst into flames from the look I gave her heh.
I told Selma, when we left the meeting, that I saw Anna. I didn’t get into details as to why I saw Anna though. I was talking everything over with Jessica, and its times like these that I really wish that I was still seeing someone for therapy. Given, that I feel I out grew Randi’s advice I do miss her at times. It just isn’t really productive when you are seeing a therapist and you don’t feel completely comfortable discussing certain things with them. That was the case with her, and I can honestly say that it was how I felt from the beginning. I think I expected to get over that with time, but by now I realize that if I don’t feel comfortable talking about things with someone, it isn’t really going to change much. Jessica offered to help me find someone since she has access to information on clinics in the area. I remember when I was asking for help from school and they told me about 2 locations that didn’t work for me. One I felt wouldn’t really understand some of the issues I am dealing with, and the other was in an awkward area and would take to long for me to get there. I have this time over the summer to go and find someone though and I think I am going to take advantage of that. I know I have Anna to talk to incase something is really bothering me, and I have my friends too. It just really isn’t the same and I need an objective point of view. I remember that when I bumped into Randi last semester she said she would help me find someone if I gave her the list of therapists under my plan. I think I am afraid if she helps she will tell the new one some things about me. Can they do that? I think it only works that way if the new therapist asks for notes to be released to them or asks for information other wise it can’t be offered. Then again I am not familiar with how that works.
On two separate notes first starting with the summer, I am thinking that I will look for a job if things don’t work out with me having any left over hours in the lab and also have the surgery on my knee. I really am not wanting to have my knee operated on, and when I think that I don’t need it any more I am in pain shortly after that and know that it’s something I need to do soon. I have dragged it out for 2 years now, I think it’s time to just get it done. As for work, I am thinking of possibly seeing if Tarina would hire me. They don’t have any men working there which is the thing that worries me. Mike said they can’t not hire me cause I am a guy, I guess we will see what happens.
Lastely, I am wondering what is going to happen with these people upstairs. This weekend there was an incident while I went out with my mother where one of the sons upstairs spilt juice in their room. It dripped down into my house, through the ceiling light fixture which made my parents concerned with worrying about the wires shorting out and a fire. My mother didn’t know what to do, and I pretty much had to convince her to talk to their mother and tell her that she needs to do something about her sons, it might be time for one of them to go, since only one is of legal age. My mother went to take a walk with their mother as I was getting ready to meet Jessica and go out to dinner. They were still out there by the time I was leaving. My mother later told me that she said she was going to talk to her children and hopefully resolve things since my mother said it made her not want to renew their lease. I hope things change…
P.S. I finally got to see the Deftones. The show was amazing and made me consider getting a band tattoo, I don’t know if I really will. I have to say they are one of my favorite bands and live they are just amazing.
My film professor keeps assuring me not to worry about my grade, telling me how I have done exceedingly well. Then again he did call me special today… I don’t think he meant it in a mentally challenged way, well I hope he didn’t anyway. In Crisis we practiced our final in front of the class which was well received. The professor made small criticisms which we are taking into account for the day we actually perform in front of the class. I believe that is Tuesday.
There was a meeting today about the reading lab the same time as my research meeting. I don’t think in the fall I will be working in the lab because of what is going on with the lab being under new ownership. I am hoping the film professor is able to get me to work there for the spring though to help with his course and the other media courses offered by my college. When I ran to the research meeting the professor had the presentation I worked on open and had made some changes. I think the look on my face was that of a deer in the head lights. I would say it was more so that way after another research student, Yuki, made some changes thinking that I had accidentally screwed something up and wanted to help and change things. Instead she made a mess… In the meeting I mentioned it and looked at her. She is lucky she didn’t burst into flames from the look I gave her heh.
I told Selma, when we left the meeting, that I saw Anna. I didn’t get into details as to why I saw Anna though. I was talking everything over with Jessica, and its times like these that I really wish that I was still seeing someone for therapy. Given, that I feel I out grew Randi’s advice I do miss her at times. It just isn’t really productive when you are seeing a therapist and you don’t feel completely comfortable discussing certain things with them. That was the case with her, and I can honestly say that it was how I felt from the beginning. I think I expected to get over that with time, but by now I realize that if I don’t feel comfortable talking about things with someone, it isn’t really going to change much. Jessica offered to help me find someone since she has access to information on clinics in the area. I remember when I was asking for help from school and they told me about 2 locations that didn’t work for me. One I felt wouldn’t really understand some of the issues I am dealing with, and the other was in an awkward area and would take to long for me to get there. I have this time over the summer to go and find someone though and I think I am going to take advantage of that. I know I have Anna to talk to incase something is really bothering me, and I have my friends too. It just really isn’t the same and I need an objective point of view. I remember that when I bumped into Randi last semester she said she would help me find someone if I gave her the list of therapists under my plan. I think I am afraid if she helps she will tell the new one some things about me. Can they do that? I think it only works that way if the new therapist asks for notes to be released to them or asks for information other wise it can’t be offered. Then again I am not familiar with how that works.
On two separate notes first starting with the summer, I am thinking that I will look for a job if things don’t work out with me having any left over hours in the lab and also have the surgery on my knee. I really am not wanting to have my knee operated on, and when I think that I don’t need it any more I am in pain shortly after that and know that it’s something I need to do soon. I have dragged it out for 2 years now, I think it’s time to just get it done. As for work, I am thinking of possibly seeing if Tarina would hire me. They don’t have any men working there which is the thing that worries me. Mike said they can’t not hire me cause I am a guy, I guess we will see what happens.
Lastely, I am wondering what is going to happen with these people upstairs. This weekend there was an incident while I went out with my mother where one of the sons upstairs spilt juice in their room. It dripped down into my house, through the ceiling light fixture which made my parents concerned with worrying about the wires shorting out and a fire. My mother didn’t know what to do, and I pretty much had to convince her to talk to their mother and tell her that she needs to do something about her sons, it might be time for one of them to go, since only one is of legal age. My mother went to take a walk with their mother as I was getting ready to meet Jessica and go out to dinner. They were still out there by the time I was leaving. My mother later told me that she said she was going to talk to her children and hopefully resolve things since my mother said it made her not want to renew their lease. I hope things change…
P.S. I finally got to see the Deftones. The show was amazing and made me consider getting a band tattoo, I don’t know if I really will. I have to say they are one of my favorite bands and live they are just amazing.
Friday, April 29, 2011
"These Things" by She Wants Revenge
Friday: This week emotionally has been exhausting. So much going on in such little time. I was waiting for Jessica to come home to talk to her about things. There are some things that I just feel that with her I can talk about better since we are currently dealing with something. I know I can go to any of my friends to talk, but she just understands more. I believe it was Tuesday night into the morning where I wrote her an email saying how much I missed her, it probably would be the first thing she would see when she got off of the plane. She saw the email and told me to put my vagina away, I hope she appreciated the email though. Wednesday I couldn’t help but be overly emotional and I didn’t know why. When I sat down to think about things, I realized it’s the second anniversary of Michelle’s death. When Jessica landed and was settled I asked if I could come over for an hour, I felt that I needed to be around someone. I went over and she had stuff from Italy which was exciting. I also got to tell her about the drama that had gone on in our high school which I know she was dying to hear about. She brought me back a leather bound journal, rosary beads blessed by the pope, and a seal with my initials on it and sealing wax. I was surprised with the seal since that is something I would use and have wanted. I left shortly after since I had class on Thursday and needed to get home to sleep.
Thursday I met with my film prof to talk about the film festival I’m working on with him. He told me what’s going on with the short vids that were selected and I need to write a 2-3 sentence blurb on the video I am watching. I discussed the lab with him since Dr. Lanzone told me how he was trying to get the lab for the video production class and the music class. He asked how I found out and I told him through Dr. Lanzone. He said that there are people in the lab now that are not professional and that they treat the lab as if its their home. I didn’t know what he was talking about at first and I felt that if I asked him to clarify. But he did that as we continued to speak. I told him how in the lab n one knows how to use the mac os and he said that is unacceptable. I am the only one there that knows mac os so when students come in everyone else refers them to me. Its great for me but not when I’m not there. The students think I am there at their beck and call. When I’m not there they make a big deal and make it seem like I am just irresponsible. I don’t think they realize that I am a student there just like they are. I told Davies, the film prof that and he said that he would want me to work in the lab when it was set up. I would have to be trained in the software and I told him I already know photoshop. He said he taught his film production course on Fridays and I asked who was in the lab. The look on his face explained it all and I said “Rico” and he nodded and I said he didn’t have to tell me anything else I already know what goes on there. He pretty much uses the office as his own which is interesting since Dr. Lanzone kicked people out of the office after that whole Shelain thing involving my time sheet. I wish I could talk to someone there as a friend to see what they would say just about everything, but I can’t. I can’t talk to Milly even if she is my friend since she works there and knows the people there longer than she knows me. So I feel her loyalty is with them not me. We ended our conversation with him saying he would talk to Dr. Lanzone about things involving me in the lab. He surprised me with saying that he would want it to be me since doesn’t think anyone else there should do it, and said how Mobruka is annoying. That I didn’t expect since they seem to be friendly and always talk, but I guess he sees through her friendly demeanor and sees “annoying” when she is there.
As the day went on, I wanted to talk to Snajdr but he was busy in his office. A line was building from the gym that stretched down to the lab. I saw the other student in the anthropology office that said she applied to the internship program. Her and I were the ones that ran there together, she told me she didn’t get it either. I tried to go to him again and just got frustrated because of the job fair line. The students stood there like zombies and the fact I wanted to pass them to go to the lab they seemed so annoyed and irritated. It was close to closing time and Rico turns into a dictator when the lab closes and wanted me out of the office. He says how Dr. Lanzone wants everyone out of there and all this shit and its like you know what its not my fault its your’s and Shelain’s so you can thank yourself for being stupid and having this privilege taken away. But I don’t want to start more shit, I also don’t want to let them know I know what happened, and I can’t go to Dr. Lanzone to say anything because I shouldn’t be there in the office to begin with. He was more annoyed that this student that comes in there leaves his shit and steps out since he never worked there. So he doesn’t have a right to have his belongings there, unlike us. So of course I had to tell him and be the bad guy when he returned and say hey look I’m sorry you can’t have your stuff here anymore. So anyway I went to the diner to have dinner since it was getting late. I watched Six Feet Under and then headed back to the classroom to continue but we were having to go watch a play on Muslim American Women instead. There I saw Prof. Strobl who I feel like I had inadvertently avoided but it’s not by choice. She asked how I was, and I told her briefly what was going on. I will stop by her office this week and talk to her about things to update her since she did help me before when I was dealing with the whole having to do another degree. Before the play started, I was talking to Glenny about Michelle telling her that I had that on my mind and it was rough. She stopped me to say how this sounded all familiar and asked me if Michelle went to our college and if her killer did. I said yes and she told me how in her Spanish class they were discussing it. That is one of my biggest fears at my college, hearing about Michelle as just a person that was killed that went there. If a situation like that came up I would tell the professor and class that if they are going to continue talking about this I am going to leave because she was a close friend and I don’t want to think of her that way. When we got out of class my friend Fidel was there for the job fair, I haven’t seen him in a few years and we hung out for a bit. I don’t know if its something that happens to people when they have children at a young age, but it seems almost like they never grow up. They always retain this child like way about them and its not cool. It makes me think and wonder and not really want to talk to them much. With this said, it makes me wonder what Vanessa’s problem is.
On a side note, I am wanting to make a session with a counselor at school. Sadly, the one I normally see is out on maternity. Instead of talking to a complete stranger I asked Anna if I could talk to her. She is in on the alternating days I am there which sucks so I have to give up Monday to go in. I am going to use the day to make up the hours in the lab since spring break cut my days short. The thing I hate is that how sleep can really take the edge off of things. I still am in need of someone to talk to, Suzanne helped me somewhat but I still would like someone objective and separated from my friends for their opinion
Thursday I met with my film prof to talk about the film festival I’m working on with him. He told me what’s going on with the short vids that were selected and I need to write a 2-3 sentence blurb on the video I am watching. I discussed the lab with him since Dr. Lanzone told me how he was trying to get the lab for the video production class and the music class. He asked how I found out and I told him through Dr. Lanzone. He said that there are people in the lab now that are not professional and that they treat the lab as if its their home. I didn’t know what he was talking about at first and I felt that if I asked him to clarify. But he did that as we continued to speak. I told him how in the lab n one knows how to use the mac os and he said that is unacceptable. I am the only one there that knows mac os so when students come in everyone else refers them to me. Its great for me but not when I’m not there. The students think I am there at their beck and call. When I’m not there they make a big deal and make it seem like I am just irresponsible. I don’t think they realize that I am a student there just like they are. I told Davies, the film prof that and he said that he would want me to work in the lab when it was set up. I would have to be trained in the software and I told him I already know photoshop. He said he taught his film production course on Fridays and I asked who was in the lab. The look on his face explained it all and I said “Rico” and he nodded and I said he didn’t have to tell me anything else I already know what goes on there. He pretty much uses the office as his own which is interesting since Dr. Lanzone kicked people out of the office after that whole Shelain thing involving my time sheet. I wish I could talk to someone there as a friend to see what they would say just about everything, but I can’t. I can’t talk to Milly even if she is my friend since she works there and knows the people there longer than she knows me. So I feel her loyalty is with them not me. We ended our conversation with him saying he would talk to Dr. Lanzone about things involving me in the lab. He surprised me with saying that he would want it to be me since doesn’t think anyone else there should do it, and said how Mobruka is annoying. That I didn’t expect since they seem to be friendly and always talk, but I guess he sees through her friendly demeanor and sees “annoying” when she is there.
As the day went on, I wanted to talk to Snajdr but he was busy in his office. A line was building from the gym that stretched down to the lab. I saw the other student in the anthropology office that said she applied to the internship program. Her and I were the ones that ran there together, she told me she didn’t get it either. I tried to go to him again and just got frustrated because of the job fair line. The students stood there like zombies and the fact I wanted to pass them to go to the lab they seemed so annoyed and irritated. It was close to closing time and Rico turns into a dictator when the lab closes and wanted me out of the office. He says how Dr. Lanzone wants everyone out of there and all this shit and its like you know what its not my fault its your’s and Shelain’s so you can thank yourself for being stupid and having this privilege taken away. But I don’t want to start more shit, I also don’t want to let them know I know what happened, and I can’t go to Dr. Lanzone to say anything because I shouldn’t be there in the office to begin with. He was more annoyed that this student that comes in there leaves his shit and steps out since he never worked there. So he doesn’t have a right to have his belongings there, unlike us. So of course I had to tell him and be the bad guy when he returned and say hey look I’m sorry you can’t have your stuff here anymore. So anyway I went to the diner to have dinner since it was getting late. I watched Six Feet Under and then headed back to the classroom to continue but we were having to go watch a play on Muslim American Women instead. There I saw Prof. Strobl who I feel like I had inadvertently avoided but it’s not by choice. She asked how I was, and I told her briefly what was going on. I will stop by her office this week and talk to her about things to update her since she did help me before when I was dealing with the whole having to do another degree. Before the play started, I was talking to Glenny about Michelle telling her that I had that on my mind and it was rough. She stopped me to say how this sounded all familiar and asked me if Michelle went to our college and if her killer did. I said yes and she told me how in her Spanish class they were discussing it. That is one of my biggest fears at my college, hearing about Michelle as just a person that was killed that went there. If a situation like that came up I would tell the professor and class that if they are going to continue talking about this I am going to leave because she was a close friend and I don’t want to think of her that way. When we got out of class my friend Fidel was there for the job fair, I haven’t seen him in a few years and we hung out for a bit. I don’t know if its something that happens to people when they have children at a young age, but it seems almost like they never grow up. They always retain this child like way about them and its not cool. It makes me think and wonder and not really want to talk to them much. With this said, it makes me wonder what Vanessa’s problem is.
On a side note, I am wanting to make a session with a counselor at school. Sadly, the one I normally see is out on maternity. Instead of talking to a complete stranger I asked Anna if I could talk to her. She is in on the alternating days I am there which sucks so I have to give up Monday to go in. I am going to use the day to make up the hours in the lab since spring break cut my days short. The thing I hate is that how sleep can really take the edge off of things. I still am in need of someone to talk to, Suzanne helped me somewhat but I still would like someone objective and separated from my friends for their opinion
Thursday, April 21, 2011
"Out From Under" by Incubus
Wednesday: Well, the past few days have been shit. Okay this isn’t all true, they did start off quite nicely. I finally went to go get those sleeveless hoodies that I wanted from Nasty Pig with Mike on Tuesday. It was when we went to Okeanos for dinner that things started to suck. I checked the new email I made for professional use and noticed that I received an email in regards to the internship I applied to. I was waiting for this and had been checking every day to find out what exactly was going on. Sadly I didn’t get the internship and wondered what to do next really. I was also wondering why I didn’t get it, if there was a reason and also did the other girl in the research group that applied get it. I wanted to email my professor but I didn’t. Mainly due to not knowing what to say to him, though it’s easy to say “yeah I didn’t get it” its still difficult. Also my internet has been severely fucked due to the rain. I’m on and offline every minute which makes it difficult to do anything on the computer other than just not be on it. I started to play Diablo 2 again just because I was so bored. I spoke about things with Aisha and Jessica. Both thought it would be a good idea to find out if the girl in my group got the internship or not and if so find out why she got it and not I. Of course this is all easier said than done and things change. I got an email today from my professor that pretty much informed me that Sharleen did get the internship and he inquired on why she got it over me. He said he was told that it was due to when we are graduating and since she has a longer time at the college she got it, but they were impressed with my application. The one thing I didn’t like that he said in the email was that she deserved it, and that I did too. It made me feel like he was commenting on how she deserved it and then realized that I applied and said oh yeah well you did too… Regardless, the news put me in a sour mood. I wished Jessica wasn’t going off to Italy so I could talk to her about things further than just a few text messages. From our conversation through texts, the only thing that stands out the most is that I said that I learned I don’t handle rejection well and she responded with “who does.” Saying this makes me feel like I am not being an adult and am being immature, but I feel like taking a step back from the project. Not that I mainly was doing this work for the internship, I wasn’t even going to bother if Snajdr and Brett didn’t really motivate me like they did. I still want to talk about things with Aisha though and see what she has to say and see what she thinks about how I feel. I pointed out to my mother earlier that this means now I could have the surgery on my knee in June since I won’t be working in the internship. I’ll have to wait until next week when I go back to school to talk to Selma about all of this. I know she doesn’t like Sharleen much, wonder how she feels about her getting the internship…
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
"Everybody Wants The Same Thing" by Scissor Sisters
Tuesday: Last week thursday a student from my crisis class approached me after class. As I walked down the train station steps is when he asked me what my major was and when he found out we had the same major he asked me if I would help him. Apparently he was an engineering student and transferred over and wanted to work on forensic psychology. he wasn't serious about things and put just did things half assed. In doing so it led to him dropping courses several times and getting unofficial withdrawals. He told me his gpa was horrible, and i know what that is like to have a gpa that isn't that great. He was hesitant to tell me but told me it was a 1.4 which makes me wonder what he was doing at school. I agreed to help and told him to come to the lab on tuesday and that we would discuss things. He thanked me and we went our separate ways. I spoke to Glenny from class through email telling her what happened and she told me to just be careful since she had Gizelle kinda approach her the same way but not ask her for help, just the subway thing was similar.
I got up so early on friday so i could make an attempt to get tickets to see a Perfect Circle. I managed too and spent probably way to much on the tickets but I got them none the less. Chrissy and I would talk about how we wanted to see Maynard in concert so badly but it just never happened. The only down side is the tickets I got are not near each other. I don't know what was going on with the tickets really but I couldn't get tickets near each other. Buying 2 together was not happening but 1 and then another 1 separately worked but not together. What upset me more was the fact that a ticket in 34 H was offered and then 20 minutes later 35 H was offered. I asked Chrissy if she would like to go, since they would mean more to her than to Mike but she couldn't make it due to just a lot of drama going on right now with family and friends and apparently now she has a boyfriend. It has been so long since I have seen her last that anything really is possible.
Today was honestly a mess. I knew that when I got home i wouldn't be in the mood to work on the damn paper for class since I'd be tired. So my only bet is to work my ass off on wednesday to get this shit done. I wanted to work on it while I was at the office but that did NOT happen. When I got to the office I told my coworkers that a student was coming to see me with help with his schedule. I had to tell them since last time a student was coming to see me from Dr. Lanzone's class, Rico told them misinformation and they left thinking that I wasn't there and went home meanwhile I was busy running around finishing the paper work for my internship. So I ate lunch in Mayra's office and waited for Rocky, the student. Mayra told me that Dr. Lanzone needed to talk to her about something in private and so I would have to step out, which is fine. When she came in she pointed out she needed the room and privacy. She did not look happy and looked really stressed out. I ate next to Tiffany and asked her how class was going. Dr. Lanzone came out of Mayra's office and asked me if I ever discussed my salary with Shelain. I was so confused as to what that was about but replied with "uh no." It was never a topic of our discussion. With that the two of them went back into the office to talk and then they disburse. I didn't know what was up but I saw Selma coming down the hall. We spoke for a bit about research and she went to go work on the computers. Mayra called me in her office and informed me that what happened was that monday, Shelain went into Mayra's office for something and saw my time sheet. In doing so she saw how much I made which pissed her off. She called Dr. Lanzone and questioned it which infuriated Her and caused her to tell Mayra that no one is allowed in her office and that we have to keep our coats and bags outside of her office. This fucks things up for me so much. I hang out in there when everyone leaves and Rico is going to be a dick and make sure that I am not there when Mayra leaves. He will be really strict and enforce this shit. So I needed someone to talk to and tried to get Jessica and ran to the bathroom since I had to go. I spoke to her and told her what happened and how it was fucked up. She said that it isn't my fault and that I shouldn't worry. I felt that things were really tense in the office though. I was the 800lb gorilla in the room and no one wanted me there. Rico and Shelain walked back and forth and discussed things since Shelain stepped out when most of this drama was going on. Rico told me to take my stuff out of the office and I just left it on the chair Tiffany was sitting on earlier. I couldn't wait for the research meeting to get the hell out of the office. I even felt awkwardness from Milly which made me want to jump out the window. I couldn't discuss it with her since she is friends with Shelain and she knows her longer than she knows me.
After the research meeting Selma and I ate in the diner and I filled her in as to what exactly was going on. Shelain was pissed that i make more than her since she is a teaching assistant and has been there longer than I have. I work 2 days out of the week, she works 1. The reason why my amount was increased wasn't due to me offering something more beneficial to students than her. It basically had to do with me having to earn a certain amount of money during the week over so many hours and if I was earning 12 an hour it wouldn't work out that way so they increased it a little. I don't know why she is so upset anyway she is a full-time nurse in a hospital and this is the only source of income I have. It's not like i'm sitting on a fortune and just taking advantage. I guess it seems that way though. When i went back to the lab and sat and waited for my class to start I just made believe I did not know anything. Jessica suggested it, to play stupid. So that is what I did. I will also continue to do that and hope that things just blow over and we move on. I wish I could talk to Milly about things but it will on my make things worse. I can't talk to anyone in the office about it. I mentioned it to Tiffany but that is due to her not really being employed there, she is a work study which is different. The only person I could talk to is Mobruka, but if I talk to her about it it will only start shit. She will not be happy hearing I make more than her especially since she has a masters and I don't. So I will just keep it to myself.
On a side note, is it weird that I am getting another tattoo when I got one not long ago? Well I made the appointment at Hand of Glory with another artist there to get this skull I really like that she designed on me. The thing is, I am not sure where to put it. It's between my calf and my shoulder, both on my left side. With my shoulder I feel like no one will see it unless I am wearing a tank top or I'm shirtless, as for my calf when I have shorts which is fine. Just sucks that I have a red scratch mark from where Teddy scratched me that day he had a nightmare and flipped and got me. Mia, the artist said not to worry about it as long as it is healed. I don't know, it just concerns me that its red. I am putting cocoa butter on it hoping it goes away, I might grab mederma and see how that works though I am getting this done in a little over a week. Hopefully by then I reached a definitely decision as to where I want this thing.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I got up so early on friday so i could make an attempt to get tickets to see a Perfect Circle. I managed too and spent probably way to much on the tickets but I got them none the less. Chrissy and I would talk about how we wanted to see Maynard in concert so badly but it just never happened. The only down side is the tickets I got are not near each other. I don't know what was going on with the tickets really but I couldn't get tickets near each other. Buying 2 together was not happening but 1 and then another 1 separately worked but not together. What upset me more was the fact that a ticket in 34 H was offered and then 20 minutes later 35 H was offered. I asked Chrissy if she would like to go, since they would mean more to her than to Mike but she couldn't make it due to just a lot of drama going on right now with family and friends and apparently now she has a boyfriend. It has been so long since I have seen her last that anything really is possible.
Today was honestly a mess. I knew that when I got home i wouldn't be in the mood to work on the damn paper for class since I'd be tired. So my only bet is to work my ass off on wednesday to get this shit done. I wanted to work on it while I was at the office but that did NOT happen. When I got to the office I told my coworkers that a student was coming to see me with help with his schedule. I had to tell them since last time a student was coming to see me from Dr. Lanzone's class, Rico told them misinformation and they left thinking that I wasn't there and went home meanwhile I was busy running around finishing the paper work for my internship. So I ate lunch in Mayra's office and waited for Rocky, the student. Mayra told me that Dr. Lanzone needed to talk to her about something in private and so I would have to step out, which is fine. When she came in she pointed out she needed the room and privacy. She did not look happy and looked really stressed out. I ate next to Tiffany and asked her how class was going. Dr. Lanzone came out of Mayra's office and asked me if I ever discussed my salary with Shelain. I was so confused as to what that was about but replied with "uh no." It was never a topic of our discussion. With that the two of them went back into the office to talk and then they disburse. I didn't know what was up but I saw Selma coming down the hall. We spoke for a bit about research and she went to go work on the computers. Mayra called me in her office and informed me that what happened was that monday, Shelain went into Mayra's office for something and saw my time sheet. In doing so she saw how much I made which pissed her off. She called Dr. Lanzone and questioned it which infuriated Her and caused her to tell Mayra that no one is allowed in her office and that we have to keep our coats and bags outside of her office. This fucks things up for me so much. I hang out in there when everyone leaves and Rico is going to be a dick and make sure that I am not there when Mayra leaves. He will be really strict and enforce this shit. So I needed someone to talk to and tried to get Jessica and ran to the bathroom since I had to go. I spoke to her and told her what happened and how it was fucked up. She said that it isn't my fault and that I shouldn't worry. I felt that things were really tense in the office though. I was the 800lb gorilla in the room and no one wanted me there. Rico and Shelain walked back and forth and discussed things since Shelain stepped out when most of this drama was going on. Rico told me to take my stuff out of the office and I just left it on the chair Tiffany was sitting on earlier. I couldn't wait for the research meeting to get the hell out of the office. I even felt awkwardness from Milly which made me want to jump out the window. I couldn't discuss it with her since she is friends with Shelain and she knows her longer than she knows me.
After the research meeting Selma and I ate in the diner and I filled her in as to what exactly was going on. Shelain was pissed that i make more than her since she is a teaching assistant and has been there longer than I have. I work 2 days out of the week, she works 1. The reason why my amount was increased wasn't due to me offering something more beneficial to students than her. It basically had to do with me having to earn a certain amount of money during the week over so many hours and if I was earning 12 an hour it wouldn't work out that way so they increased it a little. I don't know why she is so upset anyway she is a full-time nurse in a hospital and this is the only source of income I have. It's not like i'm sitting on a fortune and just taking advantage. I guess it seems that way though. When i went back to the lab and sat and waited for my class to start I just made believe I did not know anything. Jessica suggested it, to play stupid. So that is what I did. I will also continue to do that and hope that things just blow over and we move on. I wish I could talk to Milly about things but it will on my make things worse. I can't talk to anyone in the office about it. I mentioned it to Tiffany but that is due to her not really being employed there, she is a work study which is different. The only person I could talk to is Mobruka, but if I talk to her about it it will only start shit. She will not be happy hearing I make more than her especially since she has a masters and I don't. So I will just keep it to myself.
On a side note, is it weird that I am getting another tattoo when I got one not long ago? Well I made the appointment at Hand of Glory with another artist there to get this skull I really like that she designed on me. The thing is, I am not sure where to put it. It's between my calf and my shoulder, both on my left side. With my shoulder I feel like no one will see it unless I am wearing a tank top or I'm shirtless, as for my calf when I have shorts which is fine. Just sucks that I have a red scratch mark from where Teddy scratched me that day he had a nightmare and flipped and got me. Mia, the artist said not to worry about it as long as it is healed. I don't know, it just concerns me that its red. I am putting cocoa butter on it hoping it goes away, I might grab mederma and see how that works though I am getting this done in a little over a week. Hopefully by then I reached a definitely decision as to where I want this thing.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
"It's Working" by Mgmt
Saturday: I really hate giving Teddy his meds, but I do want him to get better. I am assuming they are working for him since he seems to be better. I just hate that he has tantrums when I try to give him the antibiotic. He screams as if i am torturing him. I feel I am doing more harm than good, I dint need him being mire stressed out.
School is going by pretty quickly. I think Mobruka mentioned that there are only 8 classes left for her. Which means that there are only 8 classes left for me as well. I didn't think about counting how many are left honestly since i am just letting the semester ride out. I am not really in a rush for it to end since there is a lot to be done.
For the research I am working on with Brett, there is a summer internship going on and they offer internships every now and again. The way the school does it though is very sneakily. They only give the students 2 weeks to get the information together and then present it. In actuality, by the time the professors get to telling the students they only really have a week. I didn't really have any intentions of working on it, not until Professor Snajdr mentioned that he would discourage me to do it since he wanted his students to get it. I think that he knew in doing so it would motivate me to want to participate in it, which it did. I told Brett and got everything together in the course of a few days. I needed to update my resume, write a biographical letter, a proposal, and then Brett had to write a letter of recommendation and i had to present an unofficial transcript. Sounds easy, but it really wasn't. The whole process was fun honestly but it was extremely stressful. My mother told me that I should ask her friend Nick for help, and he said he would when she asked him. Honestly I think the whole thing was over his head since he really didn't help much. He helped me in updating my resume, to show that I have had leadership roles since that was important to show that I had for this internship. When it came to the proposal he kept telling me to rewrite it though I explained to him several times that they are not aware of the research project and that me coping information from the professors proposal would only help me. After several yawns he said he had to go, and he would be busy the following day but I could email him a sample of what I rewrote... I didn't.
I emailed Brett instead and he directed me as to what he wanted and it actually helped better. The final touches were added the last hour before it was due, which Snajdr helped me with. A student in his office which was participating in the same internship project didn't know where to submit the work so i offered to go with her and we ran there together. Of course it wasn't in an area that was easy to find, but we got there and submitted the work. I could finally take a breath and relax. It wasn't until 5pm when I decided that it was time for dinner, which was really me just eating my lunch. I had downloaded Black Swan and was planning on watching it as I ate. I went into my bag to have my sandwich and discovered that the letter of recommendation actually hadn't made its way into my envelope of papers being submitted so I ran to submit it and thank God they let me put it in. Like I said previously, it was fun, but horribly stressful.
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School is going by pretty quickly. I think Mobruka mentioned that there are only 8 classes left for her. Which means that there are only 8 classes left for me as well. I didn't think about counting how many are left honestly since i am just letting the semester ride out. I am not really in a rush for it to end since there is a lot to be done.
For the research I am working on with Brett, there is a summer internship going on and they offer internships every now and again. The way the school does it though is very sneakily. They only give the students 2 weeks to get the information together and then present it. In actuality, by the time the professors get to telling the students they only really have a week. I didn't really have any intentions of working on it, not until Professor Snajdr mentioned that he would discourage me to do it since he wanted his students to get it. I think that he knew in doing so it would motivate me to want to participate in it, which it did. I told Brett and got everything together in the course of a few days. I needed to update my resume, write a biographical letter, a proposal, and then Brett had to write a letter of recommendation and i had to present an unofficial transcript. Sounds easy, but it really wasn't. The whole process was fun honestly but it was extremely stressful. My mother told me that I should ask her friend Nick for help, and he said he would when she asked him. Honestly I think the whole thing was over his head since he really didn't help much. He helped me in updating my resume, to show that I have had leadership roles since that was important to show that I had for this internship. When it came to the proposal he kept telling me to rewrite it though I explained to him several times that they are not aware of the research project and that me coping information from the professors proposal would only help me. After several yawns he said he had to go, and he would be busy the following day but I could email him a sample of what I rewrote... I didn't.
I emailed Brett instead and he directed me as to what he wanted and it actually helped better. The final touches were added the last hour before it was due, which Snajdr helped me with. A student in his office which was participating in the same internship project didn't know where to submit the work so i offered to go with her and we ran there together. Of course it wasn't in an area that was easy to find, but we got there and submitted the work. I could finally take a breath and relax. It wasn't until 5pm when I decided that it was time for dinner, which was really me just eating my lunch. I had downloaded Black Swan and was planning on watching it as I ate. I went into my bag to have my sandwich and discovered that the letter of recommendation actually hadn't made its way into my envelope of papers being submitted so I ran to submit it and thank God they let me put it in. Like I said previously, it was fun, but horribly stressful.
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Sunday, March 27, 2011
"Heavenly" by The Dandy Warhols
"Heavenly" by The Dandy Warhols: Jessica and I made plans to go out to dinner tonight and to also go see Craig. When I got home from helping my mother shop, I wanted to pass out which I did. When I got up it was later than I thought and after waiting on Jess to leave it was even later. We got to Craig's shop around 8:30 something and Brian was finishing up a tattoo. We spoke for a bit and I asked him about Craig and Mia. Craig is only in Wednesday to Friday and Mia actually was there but stepped out at the moment to get some food. She came in shortly after and we spoke, it was refreshing to see she didn't have that typical tattoo artist attitude, she was just as nice as Brian. When I informed her I was interested in the skull design and showed her which one she got excited and hoped to work on someone and a put that design on them. This means if I want it as is, I can since no one else has it. I told her I might want to change some things and she was fine with it. I felt bad though, since I am changing her design. I love it regardless I just want some small changes. Jessica spoke to Brian which pretty much told her that if she wants the birds Craig designed she should just talk to him. So I am calling tomorrow to make an appointment on Wednesday for a consultation with Craig and Mia since Craig said he wanted to add a border on the biotech design by my shoulder.
While Jessica and I were eating my mother called me to tell me that one of the sons upstairs sounded like he had a party. She wished I was there, not that it would make that much of a difference but she knows I would go and cut the power. She didn't do that though and when I got home we discussed things more. I told her how I hate how she cools off over the situation and needs to tell the mother and get the sons gone. The mother really is the one renting the apartment not them. I am going with her to the lawyer on Monday to see what he has to say I am sure this will be interesting. I'll see what legal stuff I have learned I can put to use.
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While Jessica and I were eating my mother called me to tell me that one of the sons upstairs sounded like he had a party. She wished I was there, not that it would make that much of a difference but she knows I would go and cut the power. She didn't do that though and when I got home we discussed things more. I told her how I hate how she cools off over the situation and needs to tell the mother and get the sons gone. The mother really is the one renting the apartment not them. I am going with her to the lawyer on Monday to see what he has to say I am sure this will be interesting. I'll see what legal stuff I have learned I can put to use.
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