"Hands All Over" by Soundgarden

Monday: This semester is just flying by… To me it still feels like it started, but it is nearly almost November. The weeks are over before I even know it and the weekends are in a category of their own. I blink and they are over. It’s so difficult to just not worry about things. I feel horrible when it comes to spending time with Mike as well. I just want to do absolutely nothing and relax. Sit and play WoW, or read, or just sleep and not worry about students coming in for tutoring or reading assignments for class. I guess I’m asking for to much. When this research project starts I will probably feel just as overwhelmed if not more, trying to make hours in the lab, go to class, and then do whatever I have to do for the project.

I do enjoy working in the lab, though at times I feel like I don’t have anything to do. But when I have things to do, I am lucky if I have any time for myself to just take a breath. Friday the lab was dead. None of the classes came in to use the lab, and random stragglers wondered in to use computers. If 4 people were in the lab, that was a lot that day especially when the lab can be to the point where we have to ask people to leave due to both labs being full. While I was in the office reading, Mayra came in to have lunch before proctoring the CPE. She was just making small talk with me and then discussed how there is a possibility that the lab could be closing due to funds. I don’t know who else she discussed this with, but I am not talking about it with anyone that I am friendly with other than her. It makes me wonder if others know and they just aren’t discussing it with me because they don’t know if I know. I have discussed it with friends though, spoke about it with my mother as well. Her comment was “so you’re going to lose your job? That sucks…” and yeah it does suck but there isn’t much I can do about it. I can look for something else but I don’t think there are many jobs that will be so lenient with me strolling in when I want to and then working. I think if this were something serious, I would have been fired a long time ago.

I spoke about it with Mike on Friday I believe, among the other things such as the pointless thoughtless construction on the street in front of my house. its pointless and thoughtless due to the fact that the people that decided to do so did not plan it out better. The logic behind it makes sense but at the same time all aspects of the plan were not thoroughly thought out. This is the deal, I live on a very busy street and there is lots of traffic due to the stores in my area getting deliveries so there is lots of double parking. To eliminate that, dividers are being put up with flower pot planters and trees. They said they wanted to have that like that to eliminate the double parking, but there isn’t enough room for cars to normally park. The trucks that normally make deliveries now will double park down the side streets adding congestion there. There is still speculation of them making the street in front of my house a huge one way street leading to the hospital but I don’t think that will happen. My mother wanted to place a complaint and we found out today that it still isn’t clear what exactly is being planned for my area, but there is going to be room for parking. Honestly there can’t be cars parks with the trucks, vans, and all the other shit that comes down the block to exist and not cause accidents.

When Mike and I went out to dinner and then kept things like I ended up wanting to go to my house and mess around in the hall way which is something we have been doing for years now and it’s fine. Well when I got close to my house Jessica called me to inform me there was a fire somewhere. She wanted to know if I smelt anything, which I did as soon as I rolled Mike’s window down. It smelt like burnt rubber which was really strong. She said she was heading over to my house, but I didn’t take her serious. I was messing around in the hall with Mike and my parents knew I was there but my father decided he wanted to go outside because he didn’t pay attention to the things I say and wanted to go outside. So yeah he caught me making out with Mike but I don’t think he really saw what happened because if he did I think he would have made a bigger deal. Mike felt embarrassed and left and with that Jessica arrived and he left. I asked Jes to come in, since she had that horrible dog her family baby sits, cause I wanted my mother to see it and if my father said anything I could be like… well Jessica was here maybe you were seeing things. Jes and I then went for a walk after that and Mike informed me that the horrible smell was due to a tire fire in Jersy.

On the walk with Jessica she told me about how she is moving on from the Bird which is great. Her last encounter with him was fucked up and honestly pissed me off but I am sure it pissed her off as well. She told me about the new guy which strangely enough some things that she keeps informing me about in regards to him seem to be coming true based off of a dream I had. Yeah I have dreams every once and a while that predict upcoming shit, I’m not going on any tv shows or anything over it or starting a psychic hotline. The first thing was that there was going to be this guy wearing plaid that was a hipster, and Rob is that… the other thing that I dreamt was that he had a huge dick which apparently she tells me is true. And in all honesty its something I really don’t need to know about. When it comes to things like that I tend to be very sensitive mainly due to the fact that I am self conscious of myself. When I think about it I think of how she talks about it and how its something that she remembers someone by. I feel that that is not something memorable that would be remembered if I were to get into another relationship and Mike thought back about me. Or even if it was with anyone that I was with in the past, not that there is anyone, but its still something I think of. Jessica mainly stirred up that thought. I know I have better qualities that make me someone, someone would want to be with. I guess I’d prefer to be “that guy who had the elephant dick” than “I felt comfortable with and could open up to about anything” or “He was so supportive in my times of need I regret losing him for that.” but no, I’d rather be referred to as the one who was hung like a whale. Isn’t that fucking pathetic?