"Where Is My Mind?" by Pixies

Tuesday: My mother always told me that “there is always one person that ruins things for everyone else” I always make sure that this isn’t me. It also helps to identify the person that is the one that ruins things to either tell them to stop or just to know so you can have an idea of what to expect.

In an office setting there are different personalities, some mesh, some work cohesively together, and some just are polar opposites that need to be avoided at all costs. I feel that our office mixes well, but it seem that some people tend to think who they are and that they can do what they want. On Friday I walked into the aftermath of an office fight. Mobruka was pissed and saying that her ears were on fire. When I asked what happened she explained the mess that just transpired. When she came in, a few minutes before I, she was locked out of the lab so she called Rico to let her in. He caught an attitude, though he has said in the past to just call him if you need to get into the lab. So she just went to security and they let her in. When Rico strolled in, who also does not work on Fridays but spends time in the lab doing his shit such as talk on the phone and take up space, he went into the mac lab. When he went inside she started to blast his music on one of the computers and closed the door to the lab. The pc lab was having issues and for some reason the internet was slow. A student complained about the internet and Mobruka told her to go to the mac lab and use the computers there. So the girl did so, and Rico told her to leave because he was playing his music. When she went back to the pc side, Mobruka asked her what happened and she said that he asked her to leave. So Mobruka told her to go back since the students pay to use the lab with their tech fee. He said that he didn’t want her in there due to playing music and its distracting. He said this when the girl went back into the lab. So Mobruka was pissed and said it was bullshit for him to do that, which is true. This isn’t his house and he isn’t allowed to tell students that. She called Mayra and told her, who was also on her way to lab since she was proctoring an exam, and she threatened to go to the head of the dept and report him. She was really angry and I don’t blame her. What he does is really bullshit. He only can put in 20 hours and with the amount he puts in technically by Wednesday he is done for the week, but he says there until Friday. When Mayra came in she heard the crap he had playing in the lab. Students were in there, and when he was in the lab before letting students in he had that grad student in there that I had a fight with earlier in the semester. Just seemed a little strange. So yesterday things seemed off but I didn’t know that Mayra didn’t talk t him until she made the comment that she needed to talk to him. Mobruka today said that he wasn’t talking to her. So I guess it was discussed. As I told Mobruka, I am not going to take sides, but I know the difference between right and wrong and what is selfish and what he did was selfish and wrong.

Today class was canceled with Anna. I was leaving and talking to another student about things in class and actually bumped into Anna coming in late. I ended up talking to her for a bit and found out I was actually reading the wrong chapter for class, and wasn’t the only one. I discussed some things with her about my methods section for the upcoming paper, and I feel so scrambled. Since we have been working on this in pieces, I feel that the information is just leaving my head when there are gaps in between submissions. She tends to point me in a direction but it doesn’t really seem to resonate when I have to think about things. It also doesn’t help that I pick difficult topics to work on. I think I set myself up for a difficult mission to complete. Maybe I just like setting high standards for myself and then see if I can live up to the challenge? That isn’t a bad thing, but while I’m trying to complete it it just seems like a lot. Which makes me feel overwhelmed ugh. I know I have been feeling that lately…

i know I have been wanting a weekend, now for a while where I can just not do anything and relax. I had that this past weekend though I didn’t feel well. I took a walk with Jessica and discussed things with her, and felt that maybe I should consider going to find a counselor at school since it was suggested to me when I was seeing Aaron. It would help to just clear my mind and not think about crap. Talking does help, especially if its to the right person. I put off going to counseling, just because I felt I needed some time to think about if it’s something I wanted to do. After seeing Randi I thought that maybe it would be best to take some time off from therapy and when I felt it was time to go back I’d know. Or maybe it was Aaron that said that to me, that there wasn’t a rush. Which is very true, there isn’t a rush, but its good to have someone to talk to before things get out of hand. This weekend, though I really didn’t do anything, I feel that I want another weekend of this. This causes problems especially with Mike. I know he wants to go out and I don’t feel like it, it makes me feel like I am being selfish. Jessica said she knows what that is like, the pressure of feeling like you have to go out. At least someone knows what its like, but that doesn’t really help me much. Also, it looks like the research group I signed up for is starting soon. I have an option of working in two at once. Not really sure if that is something I want to do since I feel overwhelmed as it is, but it would be impressive if I can do both. I will not want to go out and do things if I have work, or it might work out where I need to go out and just decompress. I will have to see how this all unfolds. I am half way through the semester and sometimes I feel that I am being smothered.