"Out From Under" by Incubus

Wednesday: Well, the past few days have been shit. Okay this isn’t all true, they did start off quite nicely. I finally went to go get those sleeveless hoodies that I wanted from Nasty Pig with Mike on Tuesday. It was when we went to Okeanos for dinner that things started to suck. I checked the new email I made for professional use and noticed that I received an email in regards to the internship I applied to. I was waiting for this and had been checking every day to find out what exactly was going on. Sadly I didn’t get the internship and wondered what to do next really. I was also wondering why I didn’t get it, if there was a reason and also did the other girl in the research group that applied get it. I wanted to email my professor but I didn’t. Mainly due to not knowing what to say to him, though it’s easy to say “yeah I didn’t get it” its still difficult. Also my internet has been severely fucked due to the rain. I’m on and offline every minute which makes it difficult to do anything on the computer other than just not be on it. I started to play Diablo 2 again just because I was so bored. I spoke about things with Aisha and Jessica. Both thought it would be a good idea to find out if the girl in my group got the internship or not and if so find out why she got it and not I. Of course this is all easier said than done and things change. I got an email today from my professor that pretty much informed me that Sharleen did get the internship and he inquired on why she got it over me. He said he was told that it was due to when we are graduating and since she has a longer time at the college she got it, but they were impressed with my application. The one thing I didn’t like that he said in the email was that she deserved it, and that I did too. It made me feel like he was commenting on how she deserved it and then realized that I applied and said oh yeah well you did too… Regardless, the news put me in a sour mood. I wished Jessica wasn’t going off to Italy so I could talk to her about things further than just a few text messages. From our conversation through texts, the only thing that stands out the most is that I said that I learned I don’t handle rejection well and she responded with “who does.” Saying this makes me feel like I am not being an adult and am being immature, but I feel like taking a step back from the project. Not that I mainly was doing this work for the internship, I wasn’t even going to bother if Snajdr and Brett didn’t really motivate me like they did. I still want to talk about things with Aisha though and see what she has to say and see what she thinks about how I feel. I pointed out to my mother earlier that this means now I could have the surgery on my knee in June since I won’t be working in the internship. I’ll have to wait until next week when I go back to school to talk to Selma about all of this. I know she doesn’t like Sharleen much, wonder how she feels about her getting the internship…