"These Things" by She Wants Revenge

Friday: This week emotionally has been exhausting. So much going on in such little time. I was waiting for Jessica to come home to talk to her about things. There are some things that I just feel that with her I can talk about better since we are currently dealing with something. I know I can go to any of my friends to talk, but she just understands more. I believe it was Tuesday night into the morning where I wrote her an email saying how much I missed her, it probably would be the first thing she would see when she got off of the plane. She saw the email and told me to put my vagina away, I hope she appreciated the email though. Wednesday I couldn’t help but be overly emotional and I didn’t know why. When I sat down to think about things, I realized it’s the second anniversary of Michelle’s death. When Jessica landed and was settled I asked if I could come over for an hour, I felt that I needed to be around someone. I went over and she had stuff from Italy which was exciting. I also got to tell her about the drama that had gone on in our high school which I know she was dying to hear about. She brought me back a leather bound journal, rosary beads blessed by the pope, and a seal with my initials on it and sealing wax. I was surprised with the seal since that is something I would use and have wanted. I left shortly after since I had class on Thursday and needed to get home to sleep.

Thursday I met with my film prof to talk about the film festival I’m working on with him. He told me what’s going on with the short vids that were selected and I need to write a 2-3 sentence blurb on the video I am watching. I discussed the lab with him since Dr. Lanzone told me how he was trying to get the lab for the video production class and the music class. He asked how I found out and I told him through Dr. Lanzone. He said that there are people in the lab now that are not professional and that they treat the lab as if its their home. I didn’t know what he was talking about at first and I felt that if I asked him to clarify. But he did that as we continued to speak. I told him how in the lab n one knows how to use the mac os and he said that is unacceptable. I am the only one there that knows mac os so when students come in everyone else refers them to me. Its great for me but not when I’m not there. The students think I am there at their beck and call. When I’m not there they make a big deal and make it seem like I am just irresponsible. I don’t think they realize that I am a student there just like they are. I told Davies, the film prof that and he said that he would want me to work in the lab when it was set up. I would have to be trained in the software and I told him I already know photoshop. He said he taught his film production course on Fridays and I asked who was in the lab. The look on his face explained it all and I said “Rico” and he nodded and I said he didn’t have to tell me anything else I already know what goes on there. He pretty much uses the office as his own which is interesting since Dr. Lanzone kicked people out of the office after that whole Shelain thing involving my time sheet. I wish I could talk to someone there as a friend to see what they would say just about everything, but I can’t. I can’t talk to Milly even if she is my friend since she works there and knows the people there longer than she knows me. So I feel her loyalty is with them not me. We ended our conversation with him saying he would talk to Dr. Lanzone about things involving me in the lab. He surprised me with saying that he would want it to be me since doesn’t think anyone else there should do it, and said how Mobruka is annoying. That I didn’t expect since they seem to be friendly and always talk, but I guess he sees through her friendly demeanor and sees “annoying” when she is there.
As the day went on, I wanted to talk to Snajdr but he was busy in his office. A line was building from the gym that stretched down to the lab. I saw the other student in the anthropology office that said she applied to the internship program. Her and I were the ones that ran there together, she told me she didn’t get it either. I tried to go to him again and just got frustrated because of the job fair line. The students stood there like zombies and the fact I wanted to pass them to go to the lab they seemed so annoyed and irritated. It was close to closing time and Rico turns into a dictator when the lab closes and wanted me out of the office. He says how Dr. Lanzone wants everyone out of there and all this shit and its like you know what its not my fault its your’s and Shelain’s so you can thank yourself for being stupid and having this privilege taken away. But I don’t want to start more shit, I also don’t want to let them know I know what happened, and I can’t go to Dr. Lanzone to say anything because I shouldn’t be there in the office to begin with. He was more annoyed that this student that comes in there leaves his shit and steps out since he never worked there. So he doesn’t have a right to have his belongings there, unlike us. So of course I had to tell him and be the bad guy when he returned and say hey look I’m sorry you can’t have your stuff here anymore. So anyway I went to the diner to have dinner since it was getting late. I watched Six Feet Under and then headed back to the classroom to continue but we were having to go watch a play on Muslim American Women instead. There I saw Prof. Strobl who I feel like I had inadvertently avoided but it’s not by choice. She asked how I was, and I told her briefly what was going on. I will stop by her office this week and talk to her about things to update her since she did help me before when I was dealing with the whole having to do another degree. Before the play started, I was talking to Glenny about Michelle telling her that I had that on my mind and it was rough. She stopped me to say how this sounded all familiar and asked me if Michelle went to our college and if her killer did. I said yes and she told me how in her Spanish class they were discussing it. That is one of my biggest fears at my college, hearing about Michelle as just a person that was killed that went there. If a situation like that came up I would tell the professor and class that if they are going to continue talking about this I am going to leave because she was a close friend and I don’t want to think of her that way. When we got out of class my friend Fidel was there for the job fair, I haven’t seen him in a few years and we hung out for a bit. I don’t know if its something that happens to people when they have children at a young age, but it seems almost like they never grow up. They always retain this child like way about them and its not cool. It makes me think and wonder and not really want to talk to them much. With this said, it makes me wonder what Vanessa’s problem is.

On a side note, I am wanting to make a session with a counselor at school. Sadly, the one I normally see is out on maternity. Instead of talking to a complete stranger I asked Anna if I could talk to her. She is in on the alternating days I am there which sucks so I have to give up Monday to go in. I am going to use the day to make up the hours in the lab since spring break cut my days short. The thing I hate is that how sleep can really take the edge off of things. I still am in need of someone to talk to, Suzanne helped me somewhat but I still would like someone objective and separated from my friends for their opinion