"The Suburbs (Continued)" by Arcade Fire

Wednesday: Today turned into a little bit of a disaster which started last night. Jessica had a removal and ended up in a psych ward with the child she removed. This led to her getting home late, not as late as some other situations she has been in, but late enough. Today when I woke up I asked her if she was coming tonight, she said things didn’t look good. So I weighted my options and after taking a shower I asked my mother. She wasn’t prepared to go, and then just felt guilty for not going. I told her that plans just didn’t fall into place the way they were supposed to. So I got myself ready and left and was talking to her on the way to the city. She said she felt bad and hoped that Jessica was able to make it for me. When I got to the city, I waited 25 min for a cab and the one I got into smelt like death. I was worried about my stomach would act up and I’d end up running off the stage in the middle of talking. When I got there I spoke with the other members from the group and surprisingly enough Jessica made it to the city and asked me where the college was to find it. She arrived shortly after the refreshments were served. I was hesitant to eat but I ate with her and then just hung out and waited. When the award presentations started I was all anxious as were the other members in the group. The auditorium could have held over 100 people, there were maybe 70 there? It was unclear, but all I knew was I was going to be in front of people and talking… So, it was our turn and we walked on stage. After Sharleen spoke it was my turn. I read from my ipad and was just nervous and at a point I pretty much was like fuck this and read my interpretation of the notes I had. I don’t think I did horribly but I think it was noticeable that I was nervous. But at least I didn’t run off stage needing the bathroom! The only thing I did that was embarrassing was walk on the wrong side of the state when the awards were being given out. But that wasn’t really all my fault. I kept telling Selma that we were next and that we had to go on stage and she kept saying no. Finally when we were called I just looked at her and walked up the other way. Whatever though, we got our awards and took some pictures. When it was time for us to leave, Selma had to run to the bathroom. I don’t really talk to Sharleen and after this point of the night I really am just disliking her a lot more now. While Selma was in the bathroom an elevator opened and she said “well I am going guys later” and Maia and Yuki ran after her saying they were going too after they said they’d wait for Selma. I told her what happened when she came out and she just looked at me. We don’t really like Sharleen and I know she hates that the girl comes off as perfect.

I took a walk to hunt down a starbucks since I felt better and left with Jessica. I passed out shortly after watching Happy Endings. I am just happy that the night went well and its over. I was to stressed. I just need to conquer a final, 2 papers, and a performance for crisis ugh.