"Fools" by The Temper Trap

I haven't written here in so long, which is upsetting since I was doing great with keeping this updated. I just have been so busy, and have so much going on that I have not had any time to do that. I also don't feel like spending time talking about certain things. I am trying to not sit and dwell. I am going to just leave the previous entry I was writing on my ipad and not upload it to my blog. Hopefully I can finish this entry and upload it.

So much has been going on at work for the better, and others aren't for the worst. They just aren't enjoyable. The good things that are going on here are what makes me want to keep coming back here and work. I want to work here in the spring, and know the department wants me to. I just fear it will hold me back yet again from getting my application and everything ready so I may apply to grad school here. I want to go back and see this job as being a bump in the road. I don't know if changing my sleeping pattern will help with the issue and fear I have of taking a Kaplan class and falling asleep or just not being mentally able to deal with it. I am at work from 10am-5pm on my long days, and the other days i just leave half an hour earlier. Then to go home, eat dinner, and venture out to where the class is being offered just seems like so much. I wish I didn't have to worry about the gre, but sadly I do. If I was taking the class and needed a place to do the work for it, I could do it at work since most of the time I am not doing anything but sitting on my ass and waiting for lunch or a student to come in and have an issue so I can help them. I know I try to avoid drama here but it doesn't always work out that way. My coworker Shelain has turned out to be a loose cannon that goes off easily without hesitation. It makes things here so difficult, always have to be walking on eggshells when she is here. Bad enough she embarrassed me in front of a class and then yelled at me after eaves dropping on a meeting I had with the film professor. I just do whatever it is she asks me to do so I can avoid dealing with her being nuts. She has been nasty to students, and has had a huge argument with one that surprises me that she hasn't been reported on that yet. I haven't gone and said anything because i am waiting for her to flip her shit again, but that isn't really necessary anymore. After speaking to the head and film prof about things it doesn't seem like she will be returning. As Seth, the head, said to me yesterday "You only have to put up with her for 6 more weeks. She'll be having a very different Christmas than you and I." I wanted to say to him when he told me that, aren't you jewish? Apparently she has been pissing a lot of people off and they don't want to deal with her anymore. She is a full time nurse anyway, so I don't know why she needs this job teaching just one class. The logic behind it escapes me.

Aisha suggested we both go to a spa for a day or something since we both have a lot on our plates. Work helps me deal with the stress at home which can keep me up at night. It has gotten better but I have reason to be concerned with things. I started to look for a new therapist, and sadly it has taken longer than I wanted. I wanted to find someone before things got out of control in my life, sadly i didn't move fast enough. I am still in the process with this one clinic to finish the intake appointments so I can actually be scheduled to someone and go to regular visits and get counseling. I am thinking that maybe things might get intense in the upcoming weeks as time gets closer to my mother's surgery. I am still debating on whether or not I should take the one day off or both so I can be there with her when she gets out. It all depends, they could do the surgery and she will be out that night or they keep her until the next day. Either way it's stressful. I am just happy that she is in such great spirits regardless of having thyroid cancer. I guess I thought she would think the worst and just be miserable, but the fact she isn't is a huge plus. She just said she is anxious in regards to getting it over with. Hopefully my father also helps her out when I am at work and doesn't continue to be a lifeless lump. it doesn't really help her in feeling any better about anything when he is like that and definitely doesn't make me want to be at home. I feel everything is on me and it's to much for me to deal with at times, hence why I want to get this intake over with so I can go to therapy.


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