Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"Breaking Down" by Florence + The Machine

Today is really sucking. As I walked in I received a phone call from Felicia. I have an appointment with her tomorrow which is what I assumed she was calling about. She called to tell me that she has some personal things she needs to take care of and she is taking an undetermined amount of time off. She sounded really exhausted and I didn't want to pry into her personal matters. I asked her if she was alright and she said yeah, she just had some things to deal with. I have to say I am not taking this very well. Before she got off the phone she told me that my case was going to be handed to another therapist at the clinic. They will take over in the meantime until Felicia is able to come back. The thought of this really distresses me. I am not sure what to do when I am contacted by this new temporary therapist. Do I start over or do I pick up where I left off last session? I was thinking about taking time off from going, but I don't know how long that will be.

I was telling Jessica yesterday that my cousin sent out his "save the date" notifications. My mother doesn't plan on going since it's in North Carolina. I on the other hand, had intentions on going and taking Jessica. I am just a little worried of going and seeing my other cousin there. I think it would be a slap in the face that I would travel out of state and didn't go to his wedding which was just update. Jessica was discussing the twins wedding, well the one twin since the two aren't getting married simultaneously. She said she was thinking about bringing a date, and she would ask me. The only problem with that is that there will be long durations of time where I will be left alone and she doesn't want me left with the other twin's boyfriend. So I would be miserable. I thought of that wedding I went to with Mike for one of his friends were we were stuck at the reject table because of course where do you put the only gay couple? Oh I know! With the people that are the social rejects that you call "friends".

One positive thing to report on is that I had a meeting with the grad advisor. I spoke with Dr. Murray and told her that it's time for me to see her friend Bill and discuss grad school with him. She spoke to him for me and I set up the appointment. The whole thing seemed to drag on as I waited to speak with him and over all the meeting went very well. The college changed the application and what needs to be submitting and how it is completed. It was all paper before and now it is strictly online. I have been thinking about who I want to write letters of recommendation for me and I decided on Brett, Anna, and Dr. Lanzone. I think that selection works out nicely. I just worry about how Anna's submission will be looked at since she is in the process of getting her phd. On a funny side note, that day I dressed up for the meeting with Bill. I didn't wear a suit and tie, but I wasn't wearing just a t-shirt like my previous encounter with him. Maybe it was because of how I was dressed but Fay wanted to help me in the worst way. She approached me about five times asking if she could be of assistance, and each time I told her that I was waiting for Bill. I thought of saying something nasty to her, but I didn't bother. What's the point of me being nasty to someone that more than likely doesn't remember me? When I saw Dr. Murray yesterday she said that Bill was very impressed by me and said that the meeting went very well. I agreed to that.

On the list of things I wanted to discuss with Felicia, was that I spoke to Stephanie and resolved things with her. I had been putting it off for a while after discussing it with Vaneza. She is the one that said I discuss it with Stephanie and resolve it. It isn't any good dragging it out not knowing what caused her to not want to talk anymore. So when I went to hand in my time sheet I went and spoke to her. I apologized for anything that I may have or may not have done. She said that it wasn't me, it was her. She was dealing with her father being ill and she just wanted to be left alone. I told her she should have just explained that and I would have given her room, but I know what that is like to want to be left alone. She said she tried to talk to me a few times, but I didn't look like I wanted to talk. That also dealt with her, since she always looked miserable. I didn't want to even look at her when she was around campus. At least now there won't be any awkward tension when I have to go to the dept for something.



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