"Savior" by 30 Seconds to Mars

Monday: The smell of camphor ignites my room. I feel it’s so strong it would wake the dead. It needs to kill those closet beetles in my room so I can go back to existing in there. I have kept the door closed with the fan on, or off, depending on how intense the smell is in my room. It is currently at the point where I start sneezing when I walk in so I think its time to clean up.

I visited my father in the afternoon, mentioning what we have been doing with my room. He was in a grumpy miserable mood worse than yesterday. It makes me feel like we shouldn’t stay long, but our visit today was our longest. Time escaped us but so much was going on. He wasn’t speaking clearly and he seemed to be suffering a delirium. Usually, when this happens there is a kidney infection as we learned in the past. This time they said there isn’t anything there in his kidneys. So we sat and spoke with him until the desi nurse came in, and we requested to speak with the doctor. Shortly after a young woman entered with long brown hair. She looked as if she should be on some new hit show more than operating on people. She explained what was going on with my father. He isn’t allowed to eat so they can see why his stomach is distended. They inserted a tube down his nose into his stomach to drain fluids, but he pulled it out which wasn’t good. So they are watching him over night to see what is the cause of the bloat. We discussed the random things my father was saying; how he saw flies, faces on the faucet, and the drummer playing outside. The doctor explained that since he isn’t home that is the cause of that, but I don’t know how true that is. He also wasn’t happy with us talking about him with him there, we should have left but didn’t think of it. As time passed, he started to make less sense. It wasn’t complete nonsense but him talking about the computer terminal saying “I don’t know how they can call this art” made us wonder what’s going on. And so it was time to leave and he seemed to not be happy about it, but as mean as this might sound only as much we can do there. Especially with him talking that way.

My mother and I went to CVS, but weren’t there long. We came home to find my father calling and asking my mother where we were. He told her how that young doctor gave my father water, which he was dying for. While he drank it she pushed the tube down his nose and he said she wasn’t gentle doing so. They spoke for a while and then my mother told him the cats were in the room. She put him on speaker phone and he called their names. They came over and Teddy was smelling the phone. My mother told him they came and apparently it was to much for him. He began to sob on the phone and hung up. My mother assured him everything is alright and he will be home soon, but no one was on the other end to hear what she had to say.

I started to clean my room slowly vacuuming up the crystals to ward off the beetles. After I did that I started to clean up the room. Apparently it is worse than I expected. A lot of the things under my bed have their shed exoskeletons on them and some cloth items have them actually on them feasting on the threads. I threw all of that away. The fact they got inside my camera bag scares me. So I need to do a more intense cleaning which is for tomorrow. It depressed me to much knowing what is going on there. I think I need to empty my dresser, wash everything, and put moth balls in. I am going to smell like an old lady…