"New Moon" by Bear in Heaven

I really wish there was a way to turn off my mind that or yell up to the heavens and ask for all these things that are distracting me to go away. They can bother me when this damn test is over. Or never. Never works for me. I don't need anything taking up my mental space filling it with crap to think of from work, to social relations. I feel like everything is a distraction. If I look at Facebook the crap there is a distraction to make me think about things. It's like shit should I just not go on and post or anything? Just kinda fizzle out until this is over? But what about the work crap. I can't ignore that as much as I'd like. I hate how some things there jus confuse me. It makes me feel like such an idiot and when people have to really explain things they wonder how I'm even able to function. Maybe if things were explained better to me at the appropriate time I won't have my head explode. It doesn't help that human resources doesn't explain things until the last minute or assume I know things. Don't they know what happens when you assume?

I haven't really spent time with Mike which I don't know if that is good or bad. He is dealing with financial issues and also working to try to make up for it. On top of that he has to take care of his car and registration. He can't drive around until that is resolved which also adds to me not seeing him. I saw him yesterday which was the first in I think a month. He lost some weight which he said is due to not having money to buy food, not really comforting. His school was having a film festival and he was nominated and won for editing which he was shocked about. I could feel how anxious he was waiting and how his heart was racing. I could feel it though he was sitting next to me. He won software worth 3,000. Pro editing software not to say that final cut isn't but getting avid and pro tools for free makes it a bigger deal. We had a good time and then I was off to home. I wasn't in the mood to really do exercise last night it was late and then I felt like crap after so I went to bed.

My mother is having issues with her wrist on the hand that is swollen. She is in pain and my father seems to just add to the mess. I told her I didn't want to be home and then not have time to study and she promised that wouldn't happen yet I am not seeing that not happen.


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