"This House Is Not A Home" by The Charlatans

My session with Joanne was interesting this week, but then again I usually say that when I leave. She gives me a lot to think about for when I leave. Unlike Felicia which gave me things to think about while I was there. I know each therapist has their own approach to things, I just need to get use to this method. I know it bugs me that she spends time talking about my father. Asking me how things are with him. I asked her about it expressing how it isn't a topic that I really care to discuss honestly. She said that the reason she discusses him is based off of our first session, where I expressed my frustration with him. So that led her to ask me about him. One thing that stands out that she said was that since she sees me and not him, and also based on his age, who is the one that more than likely be able to change? Him or me? Presented with this I see her point. I would be the one that would have to change, not him.
I told her about how I am trying to get this damn grad school application completed. How this personal statement is haunting me. Anna has been helping me and I realize she has other priorities to worry about so she doesn't get back to me as quickly as I would like at times. This thing is due on tuesday well that is the last day I can submit. I want this done and ready to be sent in by Monday the latest. I am hoping to work on everything tomorrow wrap things up. There was information I needed from Brett that Anna inquired about so I could include the research I am doing in a little better detail than I already presented. Of course Brett answered me back in the most vague manner possible. If he replied and said "I like grapes" I think it would have given me more to work with than what he had given. Ugh I had to scour through old emails so I could call his ass and ask him for the information, but at least I got it.  I have a final version I'm just waiting for the okay from Anna. I am just worried they will do a word count and see it's two words short of 250 and they will toss it.
Today I didn't do anything. I waited on Jessica to get back to me so that I could go out to dinner with her. I was trying to work on my personal statement to get it in order and my parents were up my ass. I was getting really heated over it too which didn't help at all. I hate being nasty to my mother, while my father deserves it for being a douche big enough to clean a whale's vagina. I also didn't charge my phone last night which is great on my part. Jessica was bombarding me with texts to the point I had to shut my phone off and let it charge. She ended up calling my house and I pointed out my phone died, though I lied. When we went out I wanted to go to Brooklyn Industries and get my mother something for Mother's day. I got her three shirts I think she would appreciate. I didn't know what else to get her honestly.  I was going to go to get her something from The Great Frog, but the ideas I presented her were not well received. So I just had to think of something. I didn't make my decision to go to Brooklyn Industries until I checked my email and saw the Mother's day sale.
I had a good time out with Jessica, though it pissed me off that she gets tired easily. And that she wears unsenseible shoes that make her feet hurt, so she doesn't want to walk after dinner, which I like to do. She was telling me some stuff about the current guy she is seeing. The more I hear about him, the more I feel like she is dating me and talking about me. Him and I have to many things in common, so far I can only imagine what else there is. She didn't see it and I shouldn't have said anything because I feel that she will start to notice things more now that I pointed it out to her. He seems like a really great guy too, unlike the other bags of dicks she dated before.
When I got home my mother wanted to soak her leg to help with the vasculitus that formed thanks other being off the synthroid for a month. She told me how my father made her sit on the couch for three hours and didn't bring her water. She asked him and he kept asking for more time to nap which evolved into three hours. Hearing how he doesn't do anything only frustrated me more. I was talking about it all with my mother and going by what Joanne said, how am I supposed to change? The only options I can logically think of are: 1. I just take on the role of everything and just do everything or 2. I leave as in work or move. Then that leaves my mother to deal without his shit where she is neglected. My mother pointed out to my father how when he is sick how she does everything for him and how when she is sick he leaves her. It really angers the shit out of me. I want to discuss this in therapy but honestly what can she say? I would like to know because her saying that I am the one that has to change doesn't make anything happen. How am I supposed to change in this situation? Do I not let it bother me? It's my mother so of course it is going to continue and bother me. Saying something to him is completely useless because then he becomes an asshole and won't listen even more. I guess I'll have to deal with it on friday when I see her.