"Social Development Dance" by Pete Yorn

Sorting things out with this upcoming research project for experimental seems to be coming along. Well coming along for the fact that I will have a set group of people to interview, as to what I am going to be writing it on and conducting interviews on I have no idea. Karla said that maybe we can do something on income and grades and the relation between the two. When I wrote Mr.I he said that I would have to do what I expected, which was call Mr. Brancato and tell him what I plan on doing and from there have permission slips. Mr.I offered his honors class for me to interview so at least I have a group. Just not sure how long it will take to complete the interviews.

Last night, again, I was talking to Jessica about Isadora and about things. I just feel that now, whether what happens with her is true or not, that its all excuses. I think she might know that I am a little upset and back off. I know she deals with a lot with her family, but I really wonder with her sometimes. I can’t always complain to her about her, cause then she gets fucked up. No one likes to hear reasons as to why they are fucked up. I know that won’t make someone feel great about themselves, makes you wonder what you think of them. I feel like after I tell her she gets better, but it’s a temporary fix.

My father does a really good job of making me hate him. Being around him is like being with that kid in school that always has to have what you have, and do what you do. He has whatever aches and pains in his body and takes advil or whatever anti inflammatory to help with that. I don’t want to take advil all day or any of those other chemicals. I was recommended to take zyflamend, a natural one and it works amazingly for my knee. My mother suggested to him to try one, just one and he was taking 4 a day. I only take 2, one twice a day and it helps. He got the runs from taking such a large dose. When I heard him mention that he was taking it I got upset because they aren’t cheap and I want to enjoy the bottle I have for as long as I can so I don’t need to run and have surgery on my knee. When I commented on him taking it he went off into how my mother has a big mouth about things, which isn’t something new. He knows he is doing something wrong and then gets defensive. I also hate that he dumps things on me, that I have to do all this work. He sleeps all day still and expects me to do everything in the house. Whenever I am on the computer, he says I am busy “saving the world” referring to me playing Warcraft. I don’t do that all day, I do it at night when I have free time. I write papers and send emails out that are important and he has to act like a dick whenever I have to do something on the computer. It infuriates me, and the only thing I know that will upset him as much as it upsets me is to act like a 5 year old and say “you’re mother.” But to get back at me for saying it cause it bothers him is he has to bring my mother in it which pisses her off. He told me he’d stop bringing her into it if I stopped saying things. Sadly its going to be a cycle that just keeps going around and around due to how he is.

Last night I had a dream that really freaked me out. I had a dream Mike and I were getting married. My family wasn’t there, but all of his was. It was really intense followed by some running around. Not like Benny Hill running around, but running around from things. Really was something intense that made me uneasy when I woke up.