"Tiny Japanese Girl" by Nerd Folia

Sunday: “I think that’s what the guys called her as they fucked her” Me, referring to my aunt…

The weekends go by so quickly. Just as they begin, they are over. If I wasn’t working I would have more time on my hands, but to do what? More than likely nothing. So I am more productive having this job and doing things. Friday, I was extremely busy. I feel as if as soon as I got into work, I was leaving. I was helping the students with their papers, editing them. These are these are the students that Rico is tutoring. I believe he is working with Seth, the professor that owes me money for the poster I designed for him. Seth decided to make his students read Frankenstein and Plato’s Republic. I don’t know how their heads didn’t explode. When I walked in on Friday Mobruka was ecstatic to see me. Two students were there for me and I worked on their papers as fast as I could. I felt that I spent more time on one of the girls than the other, but there is only so much I can take when it comes to reading papers on the allegory of the cave. Karla came and helped me somewhat. She explained part of the story to this one girl so she could write her paper or understand it at least. The girl kept trying to get me to write the paper for her, which I picked up on and was not feeling it at all. She then went to Mobruka when I didn’t help her. So, with an hour left I helped 3 students and then 3 more came in. Apparently I should have realized that freshman are going to put their papers off until the last fucking minute. I did the best I could and kept the lab open a little later as I waited for Karla. I need to talk to Rico about the students making appointments with me. I am happy to help them since I am not doing anything else. They just need to make appointments with me so that they all don’t walk in and then want time.

Saturday was fairly relaxing, went to dinner with Mike. Today I went to the cemetery and just felt so eh. I feel like I have artists block and don’t feel creative lately. I need something to hit me so I can just be on the ball again. Must be all these boring readings I have about juries and bullshit.

Hopefully tomorrow I can get my work done.

My parents were talking in the living room about my aunt. Its like when something happens with my aunt and my mother finds out through my cousins, its as if they have to sit and talk about everything to now. My mother and father that is. They can start to talk about how my aunt had the idea of selling the house and all that. It’s like they can pinpoint the moment in time when she started looking for a house upstate, but didn’t tell anyone. Or I should say didn’t tell my mother about it until after she found the house. She expected my mother and us to move upstate. I really don’t feel like extending my commute to the city by another 1.5 hours or more. What sparked all this talk now is that my cousin is getting married. My mother was talking about it before with one of her friends or someone, I think. And she said how my cousin is in his early 40s and his fiancé is in her late 20s. They are not the same age, is it gross that the age difference makes me want to vomit a little? Not that my cousin looks horrible for his age, he definitely doesn’t look it. Well when I saw him last he didn’t that is. But the idea just is eh. I always feel that when people get married that I know, and it’s worse when its family, that I am looked at as if its weird why I am not setting a date and getting married tomorrow. Even if my situation is different. It’s something that just bothers me. My mother was talking about my aunt and how she had this nick name of “Phoenix”. It bothers me that that was her name, because I associate myself with that mythical bird. Mainly because I have a tattoo of one on my arm. I don’t really feel that I am arising from ashes of some former disaster, trying to reinvent myself. Its nothing like that. I guess it mainly has something to do with the tattoo. Hearing my mother in the living room discuss this I made the vulgar comment of “I think that’s what the guys called her as they fucked her” and my mother laughed. She said “maybe it was.”