"36 Degrees" by Placebo

Thinking back at this week and what my mother shared with me, that my father did I am trying to not stress about it. I don’t feel comfortable posting about his stupidity online or offline, let alone I need to see how I feel Friday when I see Joanne. It wouldn’t break the rules a therapist has as to breaking confidentiality, but I am still cautious. It is something I never discussed before with a professional, just friends. The only person I have spoken to about it is Jessica, and I shared it with her this week while I wasn’t home. Forced to go to the office for whatever reason, since Olga wasn’t in, I was able to call Jessica and tell her the situation. When Jessica saw where things were going she asked me to call her cell since she felt someone may be recording the call since its at work. She was blown away like I was at my father’s poor judgment. 

I feel like talking to Joanne about my father makes it seem like I am a spoiled brat complaining about their father being unfair. Oh poor Cinderfeller crying over how they need to do work cause their father doesn’t want to boohoo. But it isn’t like that. This thing he did caused him to feel guilty and not want to do anything and after hearing about it, I now understand why he is being the way he is more so than before. In a way when I tell her I feel like she would feel I am saying something to purposely ruin her perception of him. I feel like so many things need to be said. I know that I hate feeling overwhelmed and when I do I wish I could just magically make her appear to talk, or take a pill. Pill seems more magical than her appearing.  I know I have also thought of possibly deactivating my facebook. As Joanne explained it I am at my limit for stress, so anything ontop of that will only make things worse. So people making thoughtless comments that normally would possibly irritate me slightly now seem like a tsunami crashing on my own personal island. It also makes me feel so melodramatic over nothing. Me being a cry baby over nothing. But to me this nothing is obviously a something if I am complaining about it.