"Beat Your Heartbeat" by The Kissaway Trail

Sunday: Jessica came over last night which she said she never was over my house before. She wanted to go to Starbucks to work on her paper, and I work on mine. She just didn’t want to have to deal with distraction like she would deal with at home. I felt I wouldn’t get anything done at Starbucks so I just said, come over. I’d say it worked out really well and it’s something I would do again. It helped with bouncing ideas off of each other, to see what sounded right. She ended up with 5 pages, I with 1. Not saying I didn’t do any work, it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say using a previous paper as a model. She was writing about herself as a personal statement.

I spent my day, starting from my shower to when I went out, thinking about what has been on my mind bothering me in regards to making friends. I find it horribly funny how I am worrying about this, someone who never had to. Aisha called me last night and I wanted to talk to her so badly, and discuss things with her but I have Jes over and couldn’t. More so because my parents were there. Today I texted her and said that maybe we can talk on gtalk. It’s not the same as a call, but at least I’d have privacy. I was thinking about what I would be looking for in finding new friends, a wish list. But I don’t want it to seem like I’m being picky. Some things I know I am looking at based off of previous experience, but I have to keep in mind people do not come with warning labels. The first thing on my list would have to be they would have to be accepting of me for who I am and the choices I have made in life. Thinking about the way I just phrased that makes me feel like I am a junkie… Next I obviously don’t care about their sexual orientation for obvious reasons. I don’t care about ethnicity, and as for age i would say 10 years is fine. Anything more than that is to much and even with 10 it seems like a lot. I would like to be able to talk to them and relate to things and not have to deal with the age gap. Mutual interests would obviously be a huge plus, can’t really have a friendship with someone when they don’t like things you are into. Lastly they can be attractive, or mildly but I know what that causes with me and I don’t really want to have a friendship where looks play a hand in things.

This matter has me contemplating therapy again. Makes me miss Randi, even if she did fall asleep a few times and sometimes I felt like her as a resource was exhausted.