It seems like everything we do in life is a form of escapism. Something that I didn't think about until after talking to Jessica about things. I mentioned previously that I have this problem now with spending money. One reason I don't have a credit card is because of this and I am probably better off that way for now. When you sit back and look at things we do that are outside of work, school, and studying it is clear that the activities we partake in are escapism. We use these fun and entertaining distractions as ways to decompress from dealing with stressful situations. We read, play video games, watch tv, movies, see friends, drink, and do drugs. Not to say I do all of those, I recognize that when I sit in front of the computer to play WoW, it is because I feel like being a rogue right now and sneaking up on people and not thinking about the upcoming GRE. Whenever that is...
I'm reading now in between studying and I wonder at times if it's to much of a distraction. I can't study 24/7 or else I will lose my mind and my brain will shut down at some point putting up internal road blocks that it can't take another math problem or vocabulary word. I have put off reading the book Snuff but finally am and am very much so into it. More so since I know everyone is reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I know that this one blows it out of the water with its graphic smutty content. It is like I have a private movie playing in my head just for my entertainment and no one else's. Taking me away from personal drama and the GRE. It is just funny how the contents came to be something to deal with yesterday.
I would say maybe a year ago or so, one night looking at random porn I recognized one of the guys in the video. I couldn't place his face but knew that he looked familiar and realized I saw him on Matt's page. There wasn't any identifiable name listed so I just passed by but knew it was someone he knew. It wasn't until another video went up where I saw the tattoo on his pelvic region and the huge full back piece of an angel and a I knew it was the same person. But does Matt know? Was it my place to say hey your friend so and so is in porn? When I presented this to Chrissy she said that it shows that maybe Matt has done something since he has a friend that has, not really a true sign but who knows. It wasn't until I posted something the other day on Facebook that made Matt comment that I felt maybe it's time to say something. His response was of shock and he told me to write him so instead I texted him and he knew who I was referring to. It was someone he was seeing for a short period of time. I know that I often talk about this with friends, what if you met someone and they were awesome but then you found out they were in porn. What would you do? Would you continue to see them and feel comfortable eve after knowing they were with someone else that day, or three other people that week? And how about when you google them and see them online in compromising poses with a bunch of dicks in their mouth or eating someone out. Can't say that would make anyone feel proud. I know that someone Mike knew was dating a porn star and that was the case, thought I'm not sure of who ending it first. But in Matt's case he didn't know and when he found out he ended things. He said that when he saw how many videos he was in, and the live cam shows he had to end it because he is jealous and wants all the attention, but who isn't in a relationship? Don't we all want to be the focus of that person's life? He ended he convo with how this guy is really nice and he would tell him I saw him. Also that I am welcome to write him anytime and I am not a bother. Yet when I pointed out how busy I feel he is he didn't reply.
And this all comes to give me ideas. I want to do standup, another way to deal with shit, and got information on where to go and do it. Something I have wanted to do for so long. Jessica said she would with me, but I want to plan what I'd say. This definitely will be a part of it. Thanks for the material Matt.
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