"Love Me Two Times" by The Doors

I look forward to therapy tomorrow, I feel I have a lot on my mind I need to vent about. Starting with Jessica, and her stupid friends. I find them stupid because they treat her like crap and she is going to hang onto their friendship because she wants to be part of their family in the worst way. Well that is how I see it anyway. Jessica went to a ore party for the one twin getting married. She was pretty drunk and treating guys approaching her like shit. When Jessica called her out on it she threw all this crap in Jessica's face about how she isn't happy she is getting married. When I told Mike this he said that everyone feels that way. To no one is happy for them when they should just be happy for themselves. The twin pointed out that the night she became engaged that Jessica left early cause she wasn't happy for her. Jessica told her the reason was because of her grandmother being rushed to the hospital and this only made things worse. The twin felt that Jessica should have been there more for the father when he was sick in the hospital and there really wasn't much for Jessica to do since she did visit him quite often. I told Jessica when my parents we're in the hospital recently that her calls asking about them were more than enough. Jessica said she was going to wait and see if she apologizes to her about things and asked me to not text her the rest of Saturday night.

I didn't see her until yesterday when I got a call from Christ as The Great Frog that new pieces came in. I called her and asked if she wants to go and she met me. After buying two rings we went over to some Japanese restaurant were she checked the menu out. This tall young gay guy says talking about marriage and how it's so difficult to see his straight friends get married. Jessica turned to look at me and I said, loudly I thought, "I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels the way." Sadly no conversation was sparked between us, I guess he was really into his rant. We spent a long duration of time at that table, not all by choice... The service was horrid, but it gave Jessica and I plenty of time to talk. Though I wasn't happy to hear that she gave Rob a handjob on Saturday and then slept with the cop on Sunday. I can't say that when I was single I had such an active dating... Active dating... Um... Interactions I guess is the best word. Not to say I would really want one like that where I just become a cum dumpster. Sex only complicates things. I promised to not judge her, I was more disgusted with the cop for not wanting to use protection. He already has a kid did he forget how they are made? Web we escaped that Japanese restaurant we went for coffee where she told me about the shower and all the gifts the twin got. She said it was hard to get her all dressed up and keep things a surprise but they managed to do so by telling her it was an anniversary party for one of the mother's friends. Jessica told me that she tried to call her but she ignored the call on Sunday since she is a terrible liar and wouldn't be able to not let it slip out about the shower. She said the twin apologized and said how they put Jessica on a pedestal and expect a lot from her since she has always been the for their family. It's funny because Jessica puts them on a pedestal. Is it possible for 2 people to expect so much of each one and think of each other as role models? It seems like such a disaster. As we got ready to leave Starbucks she asked me about my birthday which actually before that we some of Alicia's wedding.

And what led to that was the ring I bought of a dead native chief. We were thinking about her wedding and how I would have to buy a ticket and who ever I went with would have to as well, then buy clothes, hotel, and a gift. Jessica said that she thinks that if you travel you don't have to give one cause being there is an expense. Don't know how true that is but me on a plane scares me since I have yet to be on one. I also spoke about Vanessa and Raymond and how I hate when people say we should get together and it's all up to me to make plans. I don't like being the one always making plans. I told her I didn't know what I was doing for my birthday since in falls on a Monday. I can't do it the 28th because I'm getting my Lion's Share tattoo finished. She said to do it the weekend before which is this weekend and I pointed out I have a concert so no. She said I can have it after and I said he's but I don't know what I want and I really am not feeling up to planning anything I don't have any interest. Thinking about this depresses me and when I got off the phone with Mike he was kinda surprised and said "you don't want to just have dinner with friends." and I don't even remember if I said no, or I have no interested, or I haven't spent time thinking about it. I am having a severe lack of interest.


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