"The Tourist" by Radiohead

Friday: That mental game I play with myself, where I try to prepare myself for things that may or may not come true is a real mind fuck. I was telling Aisha last night about some things that I think, mainly about one thing actually. I told her how I was worrying that Shelain may go work for seek. She worked for them originally and I feared that possibly she would go for her old job back. Aisha didn't think of that, then again not many people would.

I had been disgusted with thinking my mother may have been swayed by the people on the third floor. I want them to leave so badly, but I also don't want my mother to be hurting financially if they leave. After she spoke with her lawyer the best solution she could come up with is; they renew their lease for one more year, but the lease states that when it expires they will have to move. Hopefully they respect this and they go. Their rent will also be raised as well to help pay with the expensive water bill that we have thanks to them.

I emailed Brian, Wednesday night to ask him what he had left to do with my tattoo. He said he had to do some color on the filigree and some other work. I asked if he was going to add more to the lion's face and he said he would. He then asked me if I could take a quick cell phone picture of my leg to send to him. I had a picture I took the beginning of that week when things were bothering me and I sent that to him. He said to me that it looked good and that I should prepare to have my mind blown when he is finished. I hope he is right, cause I definitely feel it needs to be blown.

When I was in session with Felicia and talking about Jessica. We were talking about me telling her how I worry about her and I mentioned how Jessica brought up how there are worse things for a girl to get than being pregnant. She made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. Felicia asked me what Jessica considered a big deal since having a child isn't one. She asked if her getting an std or worse would be. I don't know if I discussed this with Felicia, but I know I thought about it. Jessica tends to just settle, and so do I, but not int he same way. When I was a child if I really wanted something and couldn't have it, I would get something else just to have something. I tend to still do that, but  I try not to. Jessica tends to settle when she can't have a guy. Best example I can give you is with that hipster shit Rob. He isn't looking for a relationship, just casual sex with (random) women. So since Jessica can't have him to date, she'll settle for sleeping with him. I don't know if she realizes that she is doing this or not and if it is pointed out to her I really don't know how well she will respond to it.

Today work was interesting. I walked into my office and had this strange feeling as if someone had been in there. Of course I thought this was just me, but I couldn't be sure. I started to take things out of my bag that I brought for the office and noticed that the privacy filter screen on the desktop was missing… I knew it was there when I left in december. I looked at the floor thinking maybe it fell off since I had knocked it down a few times, but it wasn't there. It was on the desk in the corner with shit piled  up on it which proved someone was there in the office. I thought about Mobruka telling me how I should take pictures of the office before I leave since things move, but I didn't think of doing that when I left in december. When I went to log into the computer I saw Rico's name come up proving that someone was there and it was him! One of the professors using the lab also asked me about the printer, when I went over and saw some papers printed and read them it proved further that he was there. The film professor came into my office and asked if I had time to talk, either now or later and I told him that now worked for me. He told me about how Rico and Shelain were both fired and I pointed out how Rico was using the office and shouldn't have been since he was let go. He agreed and told me the college isn't happy with him over it, but what the college has done in response to it is unclear. We discussed some things that need to be taken care of right away, and what could wait. It looks like this week I will definitely be busy with trying to clear things out of the office which is fine with me. I just wish I had a work study to help me with everything.

While all of this was going on, I was also interacting with this guy Rocky that I had class with. He isn't a bad person, but I get this really negative vibe from him and I don't like it. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. Glenny warned me about him when I told her things that went on with him. Like how he caught me one day leaving class and asked me to help him pick his classes then acted like that never happened when we had class the next time. He saw me in the elevator and we were talking about class. He mentioned then his job and when i said that i did graphic design he said he could have work for me. I thought immediately of the flyer I designed for one of Mike's friends who never paid me. Not to say that this will be like that, I just… pick up on something from Rocky that I don't like. I feel like If I were to ignore it I could only be hurting myself. He introduced me to some site where people offer services for $5 and it could be mostly anything. You can ask people to touch up a picture for you, or give you some health benefit advice, or just do something pointless like dance in a hot dog suit for 2 minutes to any song you want. I thought about that one, I may wish to see that with the "Milkshake" song. I know this week I won't have any time to do anything if he comes to me and says he has work. I'm not sure about the future either. I just felt that he knew what to say to me, he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Thinking about it I could hear Aisha in my head telling me to run. When I showed him my artwork he said how he knew someone that had a gallery in the Bronx. I hope I am not the only one that thinks this all sounds weird...