"Ataraxia" by Team Sleep

Though this is my first entry of the new year I feel that i need to speak about last year, the end of it anyway.

A few note worthy things went on that I feel I need to mention. First I'll start off with the place I go to therapy for. I had this thought in the back of my head that maybe, Anthony goes there. I can't identify what made me think this. Whether it was the location of the clinic or possibly, it was mentioned by his mother. Honestly I don't remember which of those two things it was, but it didn't take away the surprise/shock of walking into the clinic and seeing him standing on line leaving. He was surprised to see me and called me over where we briefly spoke. Every distracting element you can think of came into play here preventing us from really having a discussion. I had to drop my booklet off so that I could get put into the system and get a room, then some random guy wanted to talk about my coat, then immediately after I was called so that I could see Felicia. He walked me to her office and told me to write him. I told Felicia all of this and hope to possibly have my appointments not correspond with him for future surprises. Unfortunately I got my wish, but more than I wanted. As I told her, I haven't spoken to him for about two years and I don't consider our brief comments on facebook as talking. I stopped because his mother got way to involved in my life and it's more than I wish to deal with. I enjoy playing therapist with my friends, it deals with what I want to do in life, but I cannot be depended on like she depended on me. She has a son for that.

Thee other thing is about me planning another tattoo. Well, it's in the process of being designed. I went to Brian, who designed the sugar skull on the inside of my arm, and asked him to design a tattoo based off of a song called "Lion's Share" by the Wild Beasts. Well it really just involves a lion and a quote from the song that I really like. The quote is, if I can remember it correctly is "Cause it's a terrible scare, but that's why the dark is there so you don't have to see what you can't bear." The quote ends with "lion's share" but I feel maybe it would be best without it since I am having a picture of a lion, but I am thinking maybe to incorporate it in a different way. I have seen what he has drawn up so far and I really like the design a lot. The only problem is, I am doubting my original decision to put it on the inside of my right calf. I have the skull Mia designed for me on the outside of my calf and feel that no one would really see his beautiful design on the inside of my leg unless my leg is sticking out. The reason why I wasn't getting anything on my other leg is because I have had this idea in my head that I would get this whole outback scene with the Maxx and the Leopard Queen on my leg and make it significant. I could do that on my right, but it would be on the inside of my leg and the same problem arises where I don't know who will see it. I feel horrible at times that Brian put this sugar skull on the inside of my arm. The design and work he did is amazing, it should be shown off not hidden in my arm. This is making me think that maybe I should get it on my left calf then.


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